Quote

while surfing the internet last night, i found this beautiful quote about love.

"true love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly"

beautiful right?

and something came across my mind....

"i know i am not perfect from outside, so what can i do to make myself better?
trying to be perfect from inside"

hehe actually that is mine. sometimes, being sentimental ok what.

i want to tell you a story about one of my friend. my ex-classmate. one 'very early' morning (145am), he called me. telling me how stress and uninteresting his uni's life is. and i said, if u can stand it for the past 4 years, i think another 1 year wont be a problem to you. he agreed with me. and told me about his 'drive force' when he was having any difficulty. well, actually a bit shocking to me.

"unfortunately, i picked this way. whatever happen in my life, good or bad, im going to go through it till the end, cause i know, GOD has something for me."

sound familliar?

i put this quote in my FB profile. i wrote this to express my previous regret for choosing this road. well, everyone made mistake in making a choice. so do i. but now, there is no way to turn back. the clock is thicking, and i am so positive with the road that i'm taking now.

back to his story. he told me that this quote has change him. if he starts to think how suck his life is, he will use it to calm him down. what an honour to me. well, i never thought that the things that i wrote in my FB or my blog will help to change others too. i write because i love to. anyway, thank u for being an active or silent reader for my blog. this is the place where i express my thought, de-stress myself and sharing all the stories and dramas that occur around me. i write because i think it can help me to be a better person to myself, my family, my friends and peoples around me, and i hope it can help you too.

p/s: if u r reading my blog now, just try to be strong. u r on that road because u r the choosen one. GOD knows that u r capable to go through it. trust me, u r good, and u r always good in this.

Good Luck Sis!

musim tengkujuh just started in kelantan and terengganu. lots and lots and lots of rainy day for sure. and i lOVE it so much. hehe

in uni, exam session also just started. and here, in this post, i wanna wish good luck to my lovely sis. dear sis, i never thought that u will end up to be a siswi. but u proved to me and others that we're wrong. so keep it up. do your best in ur exam. and show to them (that always look down at you) that u can get a degree too.

GOOD LUCK SIS!

p/s: i'll wait for u this wednesday morning.

should i call it a day?

huhu too many things happen to me today. should i call it a day?

1. woke up late to ward round and been considered as absent
2. need to write a letter to head of department for my absent....and what did i write in that letter?being honest about wake-up late thing. and i think that is the best reason right?
3. oncall for morning and evening session.
4. leave my room at 815am until 800pm
5. missed the ambulance call. shit!
6. meeting the supervisor.
7. 'beku' in that A&E
8. performed badly in the ECG test. i was failed. beyond repair!
9. 'collapsed' in my room after solat magrib until 930pm.
10. no lunch today.
11. i know i am stupid. but today, i just realized how really really stupid i am, and just have 5 months to cover all the 'big holes' in my head. tolong........!

well....after a long day in A&E, i took something to refresh me. oldtown white coffea. the best potion ever.

house needs vicodin, i need caffein. done.

new seven

i went back home dis weekend to attend the 'tahlil'. so i didnt spend much of my time at home. most of them been spend at my my relative's house. a bit tired, but full with satisfaction. at least i can help them to do something right?

and a few days ago, my mum told me on the phone that we have to accept another seven new family members to our small family. and i just like....."oh god, that's a lot". but dont worry mum, im trying to adapt it. i'll try to treat them as my younger sisters and brothers. i'll try.

so today, me and my mother brought some of them (2 out of 7 because 2 went to school and another 3 still in hospital) to giant to buy some foods and shirts. as a reward for their hard work during the tahlil. and also to cheer them up after their sudden lost. and on the way back home, this chit chat stunted me.

mak: kema, tok su da beli gula2 utk stok sebulan. lepas ni jgn nangis2 lagi yer.
kema: hehe mekasih tok su.
mak: kema pahni kena study rajin2 la. abg yan pun kena study rajin2 jugak. skrg kite takde mak ayah da, so kena usaha sendiri la. yg da mati, kite xleh nk buat pape dah. kite yg idup kena la usaha utk idup. ingat tu.
kema: lepas ni kema nak blaja kuat2, nak jadi macam kak nurul.
me:..........(speechless)

damn! this little boy made me cry again.

it is not EASY dude!

who wants to do CPR?

anyone dares to raise his/her hand?

before that, let me tell u my experience doing that pushing and mouth to mouth thing. seriously man...it is not EASY!

i had a class in skills lab today. we have been thought about Basic Life Support(BLS) and also Advanced Cardiac Life Support(ACLS). damn! that mannequin sucked all my breath. almost all of them. i was gasping for air after doing all those things.

firstly, we have been separated to a few small groups. and as usual, me, rupesh, philip and chem was been in da same group. 1Malaysia group. hehe then the scenario came.

"a man, 60 year old, collapsed with no pulse and no breathing. act now!"

philip: group leader
rupesh: chest compression
chem: air bagging
me: iv access and drugs

philip checking on the patient.....NO RESPONSE!

chem with air bagging, rupesh was doing the chest compression and me, setting the IV line and drugs preparation.

still no pulse, no breathing.

i started doing the chest compression when that big rupesh claimed to be 'semput'.
how come meh?

patient in atrial fibrillation. ready for defib.
me clear! u clear! everybody clear! and then BOOM!

finally, our 'patient' got pulse and breathing again. we saved him! we saved him! thank god. hehe

*clap clap

anyway, it is not easy to resus a collapsed patient. althought we just playing with dead mannequin, we already felt the pressure working on him, to keep him back, alive. with the 'beeeeep' sound coming from the machine, plus a very short time to think and act, seriously, it is not easy. not easy at all. i just cant imagine myself doing it on human.

and it was so damn tiring. 5 cycles of CPR already sucked out all our energy. how can i stand another 5 cycles of CPR? *thinking

maybe a gulp of energy burst drink. haha

p/s: i like this posting, i love this posting. all the doctors are funny, nice and goooooood looking. *twink twink

the coincidence

salam everyone.

just finished taking my lunch. quite late, due to a very long class in accident and emergency (A&E) department. but, that class was fun. the doctor gave a lot of input and also a lot of jokes. and we kept laughing and laughing in that class. kan best kalu sume doctor mcm tu. x serius memanjang.....hehe

well, right now i am in resuscitation posting. only one week. then will proceed with A&E posting (2 weeks) and anaesthetic posting (2 weeks). so, for this week we will cover all the topic about resuscitation and basic life support. all is about emergency. be fast, think fast, act fast but correct.

today, we had a class about 'basic life support' and 'rapid assesment of trauma patient'. we learned about CPR, the initial things to do when we saw someone lying unconscious with no pulse and no breathing. im sure everyone knows about it. especially the mouth to mouth part. hehe right?

after class, because we were so damn hungry up to the level that our stomach will be perforated, we walked so fast to go to the cafe. then....something caught our attention. in front of the farmacy, a lot of people were gathered looking at the same place. and then we also sibuk2 trying to see what was there. at the center, we saw, one pakcik was lying on the floor. still conscious. 2 of my groupmates went to his side and try to check his condition. luckily he was conscious but a bit drowsy. actually this pakcik was having a seizure attack. and it occured at very suitable place...hospital. the strecher came less then 5 mins. i think just 2 mins. and then he was brought straight to the A&E.

after that, we heading back to our desa while we joked around about the thing that we just learned during our class this afternoon. trying to figure out who's going to do the CPR if that pakcik was having a heart attack.

hehe what a coincidence.

p/s: i started to feel the fun of this posting. the good energy was there. but this posting come at the wrong time to me. when the doctor showed me the picts of the road accident victims, i felt like a big rubber band was stretch around my chest. and i will face more and more and more for the next 2 weeks. huhu

al-fatihah

if u read today's newspaper or watched the news last night, u might know about one of the road accident involving 3 cars that cause 4 deaths in terengganu. the link.

actually, they are my relatives. the closest one. my aunt, my cousin, his wife and his youngest son died in that accident. the other 4 still in hospital, 3 of them still in bad condition. it gave us a big 'bang' since they were among the closest relatives we have.

i started to feel something bad was happen when around 9pm(friday), my father called my relative in felda cheneh to ask about the kenduri on saturday (yesterday). then, they told us that my cousin and others still not arrive to their house althought they leave their house around 3pm. and they tried to reach them by phone, but no one pick it up. well, if they have a problem with a car, i believe that they will call them to inform about their late arrival right. then, around 1030pm, the BAD NEWS came. all we know that time was....they involved in car accident, and some of them died.

i saw my parents crying that night. they got their own reason to cry. my father.....he is the one that always went to their house every morning for the last 5 months, sending food for breakfast to his sister everyday. although my aunty got alzheimer, my father was the only one that she remember. and the morning before she died, she shaked my father's hand and asked for his forgiveness. a sign that she will never be back again. you know, it is so hard to see your father's tears right. so do i. but last night is one of the night that i will remember most in my life. i cried so hard in front of the tv after i saw my father's tears in the buletin utama, telling about the car accident to the journalist. my mother....she was very close with my cousin and his wife. and until today, she still cant stop crying.

they left behind 7 children. in a blink of eyes, they become anak yatim. if i were in their shoes....i dont think i am ready for that.

well, i met them twice for da last 2 months. one day before ramadhan and on the first day of hari raya. and their deaths recalled one memory of mine.

on the first day of hari raya.....
abg din: doktor, doktor, mana doktor?
me: sini la. ishk bukan doktor lagi. tunggu 6 bulan lagi bleh la panggil doktor.
abg din: ala xpe la, ntah2 abg din sempat ke x tgk nurul jadi doktor.
me: hehe sempat2.

yesterday, after pengebumian, i promised to myself that i dont want to cry anymore. cause i know they dont want us to cry for them. but today, while writing this post i broke the promise......i cried again.

al-fatihah. moga roh mereka dicucuri rahmat dan dimasukkan ke dalam golongan yg beriman dan bertakwa.amin....

post psychiatric exam

alhamdulillah.....already finish half of the exam thing in psychiatric posting. tomorrow, have to complete another half.

luckily, today i got the patient that i already clerked him previously. so, it is quite easy for me. and for him too. however, he seem to be not recognize me at all. actually, i clerked him on sunday. well, maybe because of there's a lot of medical students here and there. and he is confused. nevermind.

so firstly, we (me and philip) approached one staff nurse, and asked her to give any suitable patients for us to clerk. there was 2 patients, both male, young and stable. and the staff nurse asked them to pick any of us. and one of them, who was standing beside philip, jump straight to me. asking me to pick him. ok ok ok, i pick u my dear. so the exam started.

me: askum.....bleh perkenalkan diri.
patient: wslm.....saya ali (bkn nama sbenar...hehe)bla bla bla.....asal bla bla bla....umor bla bla bla....keja bla bla bla......
me: ok ok stop dulu. saya izzatul, doktor pelatih thn 5. saya tgh exam skrg. boleh saya taye skit utk amik maklumat psl ali. tolong yerk.
patient: boleh dr. dr nak taye pape, taye la. saya jawab. saya akn tolong doktor. skrg saya sihat, saya rasa ceria. saya rasa saya da boleh balik. bla bla bla....... dr nak saya panggil dr ape?
me: pggl sya je. xyah dr2.
patient: sya umur brape?
me: 23
patient: ooooo abg umo 29. abg x kawen lagi. single. skrg keja kuat, sbb nak kumpul duit, nak kawen. ok la kalu beza 6 tahun. sya da kawen?
me:(*dan dan tu bahasakan diri abg) hehe ali, jom start ek *trying to stop the conversation about kawen.
patient: x kawen lagi ek?
me: da kawen. anak ade sorg. *desperately want to stop it.
patient: ala, pompuan xleh kawen ramai. abg sedih la.
me: ok2, ali jgn sedey2. kite ceria ok. td ali kate ali happy kan. skrg ali jgn taye saya pape.. tu keja saya utk taye ali k.so, biar saya taye ali. ok?
patient: frust la abg mcm neh. kejap la, abg nak g amik coklat. *then he went away.

luckily, he came back.

patient: ok la dr, saya da ok. taye la. nak bagi teka teki pun ok.
me: (hehe ilang da abg) ok, kite start ek.

then the real exam session started after a very long introduction.

well, dont ever think that he is crazy. he just mentally unstable. actually, he is in manic state of bipolar disorder. maybe due to overactivity in his brain. thats why, he kept talking until i need to stop him. he got this problem due to substance abuse. easy to say, drug abuse. pretty sad to hear his story. 8 siblings, he is the 7th. the eldest brother died because of aids. 2nd and 4th brother also got involved in drug abuse. and now he is addicted to amphetamine. and that leads to his current problem.

mental problem can occur to anyone. either u r a doctor, lawyer, PhD graduate, rich loaded person, or come from a very low economic class family, with drug abuse background and poor academic performance during schooltime. there is no cure, we just can control it with medication that have a lot of side effects with the recurrent percentage still there.

just remember that prevention is better than cure. so we, who still have a well functioning sound mind, need to prevent it. have a healthy life. de-stress yourself, made a lot of friends and seek treatment if u have a problem.