isyaNIA's rhapsody

i've made my decision

youngbitz@yahoo.com (isyaNIA) — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 05:37:00 +0000

"Today is the last day to submit the application for for my housemanship training. i've made my decision. i'm positive about it and i hope these choices are the best place for my housemanship training. now, lets pray to god that i'll get hooked with my 1st choice (my priority) or the other two. amin...."

they are part of us

youngbitz@yahoo.com (isyaNIA) — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 15:57:00 +0000

*phone ringing....

mama: salam, watpe kak?

me: hehe duk rest kt bilik je. arini sakit satu bdn. trening td.

mama: ooooo rest la. sapu la minyak2 panas ke. ok skit kot.

me: emmm ok. mak watpe? kema ade lg ke kat umah?

mama: mak saje2 je. tgk tv. kema ade lagi kat umah nih. nak tau satu cite x?

me: cite la...

mama: emm td mak p anto syafiq g PSM (skolah memandu). kema nak ikut, jd mak bwk skali la. lepas abih daftar sume tu, mak anto la syafiq balik umah dia skali ng kema. lepas syafiq ngan kema trun tu, mak trus start keta nak balik. xtau kenapa. keta mcm jadi slow. then, mak tgk cermin pandang blakang. tau ape mak nmpk? mak nampak kema lari sorg diri kejar keta dari belakang. pahtu mak stop, kuar dr keta and kema taye knape tinggal dia. mak xleh jwb pe. masa tu mak nampak syafiq tgk dr jauh.

me: ala sedih ye....(mata bergenang)

this is a story about my mother and my new siblings. i know, they are craving for a love from someone called mother. and i dont mind sharing my mother with them. but then, something happen....

someone was unhappy about the strong bond between my mum and them. and saying something that even made me pissed off. this is the continuation of my want-to-kick-ass post. because of that, i told my mother to reduce the time with them, stop taking them home and trying to treat them like before their parents' death. and she did what i told her. we did that cause we dont want to be mark as 'melebih-lebih'. we want their attention more towards their close blood related relative compared to us.

you might think that im trying to separate my mum with them. but, actually im not. it just that, we was hurt and we are not closely blood related to them compare to that lady. so, we believe that she deserve them more than us. so, before it become worse, we decided to retract back. but, from what was happen today....the more we retract back, the more they run for us.

im crying because kema also one of the passenger in that car. that car accident gave him fracture at right femur. the plate was planted inside his thigh. and he still cant walk properly. but today, he ran for my mother, with that unheal limbs.

he touched my heart...he did. just like others. and now, all i can say is...

they are part of us.

private practice

youngbitz@yahoo.com (isyaNIA) — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 08:57:00 +0000

today, i was assigned to go to one of the private clinic in kota bharu for learning purposes and also to fill some empty spaces in my log book.

it is not difficult to find it, and i arrived around 930am. at the door, the front desk lady greet me nicely and told me to go straight to the doctor's room. well...no patient yet but i like the arrangement and design in that clinic. it looks pretty, simple and rich. like u saw in private practices movie. and this clinic is a panel clinic for a lot of companies. so...no wonder it looks 'rich'.

i greet the doctor and stay in that room until i went back to usm. actually, the doctor was so nice to us. she tried her best to teach us anything that she knows. we appreciated it so much. but within that room...i noticed something.

she was uncomfortable with our existence in that room. seriously, i can read it by the way she talked to the patient, and by the way she talked to us. well, it is what was stated in our schedule doctor. if u think our existence in that room made u feel uncomfortable, why u accepted usm's offer at the first place. might be because of money????

from what i experienced today...

GP is the best place for anyone that interested making a lot of money and also, so lazy enough to think about patient's illness and progression. no offense. i said this from what i saw and experienced today.

there's a patient came with painful left thigh swelling with a history of weight lifting a day before and currently, experience pain and cannot perform his work. and as a doctor, what should u do? well, i'll check that swollen area because that is the first complaint. i guess anyone from outside medical world would agree about that right? and the weird thing is...this doctor which i think got a lot of time didn't even take a look at it. straight to the diagnosis and prescription. what u expect? just painkiller and MC.

then a patient came with on and off fever for the past 3 months. sometimes associated with cough. without checking the temperature...straight away prescribed PCM, cough syrup and what-the-hell this antibiotic for? that is what we worried about. too much exposure to antibiotic will produce antibiotic resistance bacteria. and when this bacteria attack your system...with which antibiotic we want to cling for? nothing!

a lot of patient out there came to GP with the hope to be cured. yes, they are the fastest way to get treatment, but bear in mind that, a lot of cases that came to hospital because of GP's prescription. they prescribed anything to you for the sake of money. some of them, u dont even need it. but that's private.

we have been taught about treating our patient as a whole and thoroughly, but when i was in that clinic, all i can say is...they never practice it. if u want to throw away that treating-our-patient-as-a-whole thing, u are suitable to be a GP. yes, u can make a lot of money through it. just imagine <10mins ultrasound(US) of the abdomen with printed photo already cause rm35, if u do 6 US in 1 hour, that's equal to rm210 per hour). that's a lot maaaa. a lot!

well, u can get a lot money from your patients with the reason that you are treating them. but trust me, by doing that, you become disgrace to medical world. from the front, u put a nice face to them, but u are sucking their blood from the back while they are putting their trust on you. but that is our world. money has become a rule for everything.

you can be a GP, you can get a bucket of money, you can say you are treating your patient, but trust me, in the form of doctor....you will never be satisfy.

remember one of twilight's dialogue?

"we live with animal's blood. it just like human living with toofu. it made u full, but u will never satisfied"

well, i can just 'hentam' all of them today because im new and innocent in this medical world. because all the things in my brain has been programmed by my school and lecturers. but actually...i'm afraid that i will be one of them in the future. i hope not. because no one can predict what will happen in future rite?

but, not all GPs are like that. just some of them that forgot the oath that they recited on the day of graduation. so, it is not wrong to go to GP. it just that, be a curious patient. ask about the diagnosis and the prescription. i think it is much much better than stay silent, accept the prescription, pay the bil and out.

dare?

youngbitz@yahoo.com (isyaNIA) — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 17:09:00 +0000

this is a warning!!!

"you know what....i'm a very calm, patient and benign person. but once you step on the line, strike and attack my own mother, i'll make sure that i hit your butt pretty hard until you dont even have a gut to sit on it. dare?"

this post is specially dedicated to someone that think my mum got no protection, that she can throw any 'tut' words towards her. well....i am happily to tell you that you are totally wrong.

when i'm arrived home last thursday...i saw my mum's crying (i didnt notice it until my sis told me). she is so devastated with someone's action. well...for sure i was mad. so damn mad. plus that day i was so tired. i even took a nap at one mosque in jerteh (730-830pm) on da way to go back home. i never did that. this is my first time. so just imagine, tired + saw ur mum was crying = benggang tahap cipan.

i didnt strike back because u r an old lady. i still got respect towards u. but, there will be no space for second time. u strike again...u'll pay for that.

dare?

indecision

youngbitz@yahoo.com (isyaNIA) — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 14:37:00 +0000

tonight, i've been staring at one form for 30mins and i still cant decide which hospital i want to work with. as you know, im in my final year in medical school, already almost at the end of it and now i have to fill one form to apply which hospital that i'm interested to attach with for my housemanship training for two years.

well, last weekend i went back home to discuss about it with my parents and i got different views about it from my mother and my father. hehe actually they always had different thought about almost everything, but quite impressed because the marriage still strong until now. kuasa jodoh tuhan.

ok ok back to my 'problem'....i need to decide within this week. THIS WEEK!. but im still dont know how to decide. i asked my dad but the answer is so simple. he said that he didnt want to interfere with my decision. because he believe that i am matured enough to make my own decision. whatever hospital that i pick, he gonna accept it. and he only can give some opinion in case i need one. thats my father.....one man that i am proud to have as a father. he teach me to be indipendent since i was a kid. and now i think being indipendent has become one part of myself.

different with my mother.....she wants me to be in Terengganu aka hospital sultanah nur zahirah. she wants me to be close to her. she even willingly to cook for me everyday if im working in terengganu. well...i know she is lonely. all children are staying outside terengganu. that's why she wants me to be in terengganu.

actually, HSNZ is already in the list. 1st choice. i pick this hospital because the nearest to my house. but that is not the only reason. i've been living outside of my house since i was 13 years old. now im 23 and it was almost 10 years staying outside and being indipendent. and during that time, i miss a lot of things. especially seeing my parents growing old and being strong time by time. i left my house when they still got black hair, nice smooth skin and now....i noticed there's white hair and wrinkles. and i dont even know when it started to come out.

for the other two empty boxes.....

i've thinking about HUSM because i'm already familiar with the enviroment, it is the 2nd nearest to my hometown, plus i still can involve in sport - the one that afraid most to left behind while im working. it is less busy compare to other KKM hospital, and i can get 'help' from medical students to do my job. plus...it can help me to be the future dean of USM's medical school. haha berangan lebey!. but then...the nurses not as friendly as in KKM. so still in 'comsi comsa'.

hospital putrajaya kind of attractive to my eyes. new hospital. less busy. and easier for me to go back to my hometown by plane. cost a lot of money but fast. so who cares. haha as long as i can get back to my hometown faster.

then....sabah and sarawak. trust me. this two states keep flashing in my head. well, to be excell in clinical skills or surgery and easily promoted for master program and etc.....sabah and sarawak are the best for that. i have a thought about going there since i am still single, free, not married and do not have any commitment to anyone except my father and my mum. so, why dont i try to go there rite? but.....am i ready for that? because i've never stay far from my house except during my matriculation time. tu pun slalu kelentong cari alasan nak balik every month. my school only 15mins from my house. and USM only 2 hours by car. and almost every weekend balik kg.

the other hospital is hospital kuantan. among the nearest to my hometown. considering......hehe

time is running out, and at the end....i have to decide. there's two empty boxes that need to be consider and i guess...i need your help. throw anything that u think better for me. maybe it can help me to decide.

so what should i do now?

continue staring at that blank form again and think.

p/s: oh god....it is quite a long post rite?

a mother and a daughter

youngbitz@yahoo.com (isyaNIA) — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 16:18:00 +0000

mother: kak, makan ape arini?

daughter: hehe mkn nasi, sayur campur ng ayam masak merah. bajet nk buat ayam masak halia, tp halia xde.

mother: kak masak ke?

daughter: hehe a'ah.

mother: aik, kalu kat umah kak x masak pun.

daughter: masak la, mak tu slalu je x mkn. kate da puas mkn ayam la, x de selera la.

mother: mana ade?

daughter: ala lagipun kalu kak balik, kak bukan balik sebab nak makan masakan kak masak sendri. kak nk makan masakan mak. kalu nak makan masakan sendiri, kat hostel pun bleh buat.

mother: pandai ye kak jawab.

daughter: that's why im in medical school. haha

my mum got what-i-can-say OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) behaviour. just because i played a lot with human waste....she kind of trying to avoid eating what i cooked in my house. oooo come on mum....that's why we invented glove and soap in this world. to clean our hands from dirty thing.

hehe this post is specially dedicated to my dearly beautiful mother. muah2x!

retroviral positive

youngbitz@yahoo.com (isyaNIA) — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 15:09:00 +0000

"im HIV positive, can u hug me?"

if someone asked u to do that, will u do that???

actually, today i wanna talk about HIV. because, this afternoon i've just seen a case of married couple where the husband was negative for 3 times, but the wife was positive just in one shot. plz, im telling u this story not to humiliate them, but i want u and me to chase out all the bad thoughts about HIV's patients.

yes, the situation was soo tense. everyone was looking at the strip. either it was positive or negative.

and when the result turned to be positive, everything went silent. everything.......including me. that time, i couldnt think. blank. i know, it wasnt my blood, i was not the one who did the test. but, it felt like im the one. and just try to imagine, if u r in that wife's shoe.

actually the husband was a drug abuser. currently on methadone replacement therapy. and should we blame the husband????

i wanna stress here that the husband was taken that test 3x for the past 1 1/2 years and all of them were negative.

and should we blame the wife???? i cant decide. because im not the one that should decide.

but, i like how the husband handled the situation. he was so calm and positive. he knew that he can get that virus from his wife or already have that virus, but he never showed any disappointment or anger towards his wife.

it is difficult to change what our society thinks about HIV. even me, myself....have a problem about that. i got an uncle who died because of HIV, i had handle one HIV patient personally before, but im still got that 'tiny little small' problem about HIV. i'm afraid. that's it.

but....after years of trying to chase that thought out.... i think im succesfully rid them away today after seeing the love between this couple, the love from a very responsible husband to a wife and the willingness of the husband to take the blame although he was negative.

they might be retroviral positive, but they are human too. they got a feeling like us and because of that, we have no right at all to be judgemental towards them.

"you are HIV positive, can i hug u?"

district posting

youngbitz@yahoo.com (isyaNIA) — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 15:27:00 +0000

currently, im in district posting (hospital besut) for 5 weeks. i'll update later cause i dont feel like i want to write right now. sorry. c ya later!!!

when u r up above, never forget to look down

youngbitz@yahoo.com (isyaNIA) — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 16:20:00 +0000

hehe got one story to share. a story for us to think about respecting someone below our level, which sincerely doing his/her job.

actually this story happen to me yesterday. when i was in HSNZ, at the lobby, waiting for the lift to go to ward 4 to visit adik aisyah before undergo wound debridement which was planned today. so, at the lobby....something caught my attention.

guard: mintak maaf kak, kanak2 bwh 12 thn x boleh naik wad.
lady: kenapa plak, kalu saya jaga elok2 xpela.
guard: bukan masalah jaga, ini arahan dr pihak atasan.
lady: awak ni kenapa nk halang saya naik pulak neh? saya jauh dr kemaman dtg. xkan nk tgk ayah saya x boleh? *tone da naik
guard: saya x halang akak naik atas, cuma yg bawah 12thn ni x boleh naik. silala paham akak. ini arahan pihak atasan. kalu diorg nampak, kami yg kena.
lady: ^(#^!*#)*!#^!*)#!*)#^!)$^!*$^!), awak blah!!! blah!!! saya nak naik jugak.

the guard asked his senior to approach the lady.

guard sr: akak, kanak2 bawah 12thn x boleh naik.
lady: tu saya tau la, tapi saya nk bawak naik jgk. nanti saya bgtau dr kat atas sana.
guard sr: ini bukan keja dr. ini arahan pengarah hospital.
lady: awak ni apa masalah dgn saya. kalu saya nk bwk naik jgk, saya nk bwk naik la.
guard sr: kalu akak naik saje, itu x jd masalah sy. tp bila akak bwk naik anak akak, tu da jd masalah saya.

and then out of sudden...a husband butted in.

husband: awak ni siapa. saya nk berckp dgn timb pengarah trus!
guard sr: kalu abg nk jupe timbalan pengarah silala, kalu dia kasi, saya akan kasi anak abg naik.
husband: *senyap

the lift arrived. im trying not to get involve in that scenario. so i've decided to get into the lift. and then....damn! they were in the same lift with me. and also the guard that trying to stop them to get into the lift. so....bermula la aksi gado2 mulut dlm lift. and seriously....sgt menyakitkan ati. i tried my best to ignore it. but then something happen that cause me involved in that problem.
one of her son (13-15 year old) shouted to guard. saying nasty thing to them. and u know what....i cant stand budak yg kurang ajar. and then i said...

me: adik, jgn ckp mcm tu. paham la. dorg buat keja. dorg diarah. kalu x, dorg xkan halang. org lain boleh buat, kenapa kite payah nak buat.x salah kan kalu kite cube buat.
adik: kami ni dr kemaman! jauh!
lady: hey, jgn masuk campur boleh x?
me: akak, saya mmg xmo masuk campur. x hingin lgsg nak masuk campur. tapi, selagi akak n family n pak guard ade dlm lift neh, lagi tu la kami xleh naik ke wad. tu da jadi masalah kami jugak tu. waktu melawat da nk abih neh.
lady: *she gave me a very 'nice' eye's sign to me

then, the guard decided to settle down, let them go up. but u know what, that lady didnt stop saying that the guard was so kurang ajar. but i was there, i was there watching how the guard approached them with my two eyes and listened to the tone with my two well functioning ears. and my conclusion was....that lady yg kurang ajar bercakap dgn guard. that husband also kurang ajar bila pandang rendah guard tu, and nk trus mengadu kat timbalan pengarah, that kid lagi kurang ajar bila menengking guard yg lagi tua dan senior dr dia, yg pada saya menjadi tegas sbb arahan pihak atasan. all i can say....that family sungguh kurang ajar. yg lagi saya sedih....that lady wearing a 'tudung labuh' that very synonim with a good nice attidude lady. saya bukan anti mereka yg bertudung labuh. diulang....saya bukan anti wanita bertuduh labuh. cume, bila bertudung labuh, make sure, ur attitude are fit enough with that appearance. sbb jgn kerana nila setitik, rosak susu sebelanga.

and one more thing, respect everyones around you. especially your inferior. they are so sincere doing their job. let them do their job by giving your cooperation. when you are up above, never forget to look down and smile at them. i trained myself for that. thats why, i never forget to give 'salam' to guards when i met them. smile when meet with makcik cleaner. seriously, it is not difficult. and i believe you can do it too.

p/s: jika ade sesiapa yg bertudung labuh terasa dgn post ni, saya mintak maaf byk. saya bukan prejudis, cuma saya sedih bila mendengar kata2 kesat yg keluar dr that lady. and actually im just telling u half of the story. the other half, i think i should keep it to myself.

raya qurban

youngbitz@yahoo.com (isyaNIA) — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 16:07:00 +0000

salam everyone!!!

i think it is still not too late for me to wish "selamat hari raya aidiladha" to all of you. so, hows ur hari raya? any fun?

my aidiladha....superb! i like it so much.

1st day
-meriah
-my cousins came to our house, with all their children and decided to spend one nite at our house. so, meriah meriah....

2nd day
-lagi meriah
-one of my father's cow was down. so, we ate a lot of meat. mcm2 cara. bakar, goreng, soup...sume ade. and with all the relatives...so much fun. a lot of things we can do when we were together. hehe

3rd day
-lagi lagi lagi meriah.
-because my brother decided to treat our new 'siblings' with kfc. lots and lots and lots of kfc. the one that made the order was me...hehe the perfect choice. cause all of us ate until almost 'kebabom'. haha actually, we were so happy that time, seeing their faces, happily get indulged with kfc. i wish i can do that too when i'm working next year. amin.
-tapi yg x best ye...da kena balik USM!!!!
menci!

kembar?

youngbitz@yahoo.com (isyaNIA) — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 14:39:00 +0000

today, me and noddy accidently wearing the same colour of baju kurung and tudung. hehe cam kembar x seiras plak. actually before we took this pict, we were in state of 'irritable' due tue a very long class. so, we took some picts to distract us from being more and more irritable in that class. quite worried about noddy, she easily turns to be GREEN MONSTER nowadays. so, say cheese! haha

*twink twink

p/s: i like rainy day. so much. but when it cause flood, i starts to be worried about it. i dont want to spend my precious 4 days holiday in kelantan just because of flood or being stuck in the bus on da way to my hometown. huhu xmo2! well, dont worry. i'll do whatever it takes just to make sure that i'll be in KT this coming raya haji holiday.

a woman, a girl

youngbitz@yahoo.com (isyaNIA) — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 04:56:00 +0000

yesterday...it became one of the Yahoo headlines.

"End of an era. Oprah ending show after 25 years!"

so the season 25 will be her last Oprah Winfrey's show (2011). so frustrated to read and know about that. but, just keep trying to be rational. oprah also a human. she starts something, and the ending will come after that. we just dont know when rite? and i believe that she needed a lot of courage and reasons to stop this TV show.

i knew about beauty through oprah, i knew about abusive husband through oprah, i knew about the riches through oprah, i knew about the peoples in slum through oprah, i knew about relationship through oprah, i knew about most of the books that i read through oprah, i knew the criminal's thinking through oprah, i knew the story behind obama's family through oprah, i knew about health through oprah and dr oz, i knew about women around the world through oprah and lisa ling, and i knew about life through oprah. almost all of them through oprah.

when i go back to my house, one of a-must-to-watch tv show is oprah's.

i grew up with this program for the past few years. and im gonna miss it after it ends in 2011.

................................

if u read my previous previous post, u must know about a story of a girl that been raped, stabbed and been showered with acid by her step father.

after months, i saw her again, today. not walking happily passing by in front of me. but i saw her in OT table. underwent one surgery to repair her face and enucleated one of her eyes. before this, i just saw her covering with all the bandages. but today, almost of her body was uncovered for scrubing and then......im speechless.

in my heart...i 'sincerely' gave tons of curses to her step father. although i knew that he died after successfully commited suicide by drinking the acid.

i dont know how this young girl will face the world. or how this world will accept her. i just dont know.....

isyaNIA's books club - Outliers

youngbitz@yahoo.com (isyaNIA) — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 06:16:00 +0000

salam everyone....

it's friday, weekend in kelantan, the rain still non-stop pouring down cooling the earth since the last two days and the temperature is so nice to get wrapped with a thick blanket and sleep. it's so hard to believe that, i woke up so early this cold friday morning just to attend my class with dr dev in anaest department. huhu depressed yer.

wanna share something with you, my lovely readers....

i rarely talk about books lately right? it's because i didnt get a chance to buy one, even more to read. but last week, i bought one book in popular. actually, i wanna buy this book since last year. but since it was still quite expensive that time, i prefer to hold it until last week, i can get it cheaper than before. hehe lucky me.

it is OUTLIERS - the story of success by Malcolm Gladwell.

currently, i already read half of it. and i can summarize this book as interesting.

it tells us how we should see SUCCESS from different views. as example, bill gates. everyone thinks that he is a genius. built up a sofware and then bang! he become the richest man on earth. but actually, to be that succesful, he needs a lot of oppurtunities and lucks. and the author shows us how this combination bring success to someone. interesting right?

this is one tiny part of this book that i like most...(i even marked this part)

"The tallest oak in the forest is the tallest not just because it grew from the hardiest acorn; it is the tallest also because no other trees blocked its sunlight, the soil around it was deep and rich, no rabbit chewed through its bark as a sapling, and no lumberjack cut it down before it matured.we all know that successful people come from hardy seeds. but do we know enough about the sunlight that warmed them, the soil in which they put down the roots, and the rabbits and lumberjacks they were lucky enough to avoid? this is not a book about tall trees. it is a book about forests."

so nice. and after reading this part, i started to think who is my warm sunlight, my rich soil, the rabbit and the lumberjack that i luckily enough to avoid until i can reach this level.

thank you so much to my sunlight that non-stop giving me the warm and energy, thank you so much to my rich soil that become a home for my roots and allowing me sucking all the nutrients for me to grow and grow and grow in order to become among the tallest tree in my own forest.

p/s: finally i'm back to my favourite before-go-to-sleep routine. reading a few pages of my favourite books (medical books are stricly prohibited) with bedside lamp.

death

youngbitz@yahoo.com (isyaNIA) — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 19:29:00 +0000

yersterday...we lost someone in the ICU. a young pregnant lady who was diagnosed to have severe septic shock secondary to H1N1 infection.

she collapsed at 915am and drs tried their best to bring her back. but then, due to multiple organs failure, she died after 30mins of non-stop CPR.

i was there, standing outside the patient's room, looking through the glass window, reminisce the memory 3 year ago which occurred in the same room within that ICU.

that room, is the same room, where i witnessed the first death in my life on the 1st ramadhan 3 years ago. a young lady, died due to septicemia secondary to leukaemia. and that girl was my brother's special girlfriend which i never have a chance to know her well.

that time, i couldnt sleep for a week. i saw her face, i saw the monitor showing the asystole and i saw how her parents cried so hard especially her mother, kissing her face and hands after the doctor declared the time of death. that time, i realized the power of GOD. just initially presented with fever and cough, her condition deteriorated rapidly, and after two week of hospitailization, she died.

............................................

A lot students from other courses started locking their room and went back to their hometown, enjoying their holiday.while us, medical students, still having classes.

me?

there will be no weekend for me this week. this morning i have to go to ICU, have class. tomorrow we start our rotation in OT. and my turn to on call this sunday. wednesday...will head back to KT for hari raya's holiday until sunday. so excited since 5 of all us will be at home.

so to everyone, happy weekend and happy holiday!

true medical student

youngbitz@yahoo.com (isyaNIA) — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 09:13:00 +0000

in ICU

me: eh guys...u know what. chef wan will be in Oprah.
farha: oooo ek? why?
me: because he got no 1 in the world's best cook competition if im not mistaken.
farha: wau power yer.
me: yeah..even jamie oliver pun kalah dgn dia. i think he should get 'Datuk'. i mean he deserves that title compare to all that kind of singers who got that.

pause...

me: guey shan....you know how long is the gestational period for elephant?
guey shan : no, but i know for cow.
me: how long?
guey shan: 12 months. and what is the answer for elephant?
me: 22 months. watch national geographic next time. hehe
guey shan: i wanna ask u something.
me: sure, shot.
guey shan: who is oprah?
me: huh? sure u dont know oprah?
guey me: *geleng kepala
me: did u ever read forbes magazine? or watch her TV programs or read about her in internet?
guey shan: nope
me: u better do that now. oprah is among the most popular tv figure in the world. google this name...OPRAH WINFREY. guey shan, stop reading medical books for a while. read something else ok. wau, u r a true medical student. kagum2. hehe

well, in my group...i always asked questions that out from medical base. most of them come from my favourite channels, national geographic, discovery, travel and living and etc la. i asked them this kind of questions because i always failed to give the correct answer if they asked me medical questions. so ni kira balas dendam. well, they rarely watch tv...even more national geographic. in my group, only me and rupesh love to watch this kind of channels. so rupesh is out from the list. others....shot shot shot. and my lucky victim....as usual...noddy (the one that always spend her free time with superjunior)! ishk ishk ishk. and if they failed to give the correct answer...hati mula berbunga. at least i know something that they dont know. one way to de-stress myself actually. and make me think that, im not as bad as i always think.

*twink twink

p/s: it is raining. the whole day. and i love it. i love the weather, i love the rain and i love the scent that coming with it. and i will always do.

..........................................

update 19/11/09

in icu

me: guey shan, have u google that name?

guey shan: oprah? not yet. i forgot. i'll do it tonight.

me: ok. good2.

then....

zhe jian: sya, who's oprah?

me: ahhhh....i found the other one.

p/s: it is still raining....love it so much.

unhappy

youngbitz@yahoo.com (isyaNIA) — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 14:07:00 +0000

i miss A&E so much. although now im in anaest posting, i think i am not really left the A&E. part of me still there.

i miss the thrill and exciting enviroment inside that A&E, nice doctors, friendly nurses, MA, bro JPA and attendants who are working there. they work in pressure, but they still can smile.

seriously...this morning, while im alone in one room in ICU, the memory of A&E posting kept flashing in my brain. because, i dont feel like im belong to ICU. i feel like we were not welcome to be there. the staffs dont treats us nicely. not all but some of them. and i starts to feel that we were there to disturb their work activity. plus, the enviroment was quite tense. all sedated patient, lying still with "bep bep bep" sound from machine. stressful rite?

but im not saying that i hate anaest posting. i like dr dev. the head of anaest department. he's good. he teachs us a lot. and he is a nice person. never scold us if we didnt know about something but he helped us, by letting us to think. that's is the correct way to teach us. dont ask us to go back and find it by ourselves, because i know, 99% of us wont go back and google about it. just let us think, by guiding us to the answer. that is much2 better. and that is what dr dev do. and we are so damn happy for that.

yesterday i had a radiological presentation. after finished my presentation, the dr asked me a question.

dr: who did the 'fast'?

me: from the folder, it stated that it was done by radiology registrar.

dr: then it is not 'fast'. we radiologist never did fast. we only do the accurate one. next time, WATCH UR WORDS!

me: ????? *i didnt say 'f***' word. i didnt say 's***' word and i didnt say 'b****' word. and now i have to watch my words???

im just telling everyone what was written in the folder. that's all. and because of that...i've been scolded. huh.....

i believe that my blog also been read by my lecturers and doctors. because there is a doctor who is accidently google my blog. i dont mind at all. seriously. it just that, what is in the blog...let it be in the blog. dont bring it outside.

p/s: last last night, i dreamed about someone, and because of that dream...i kept smiling for the whole day. and should i hope for another dream??? hehe

sense of humanity

youngbitz@yahoo.com (isyaNIA) — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 11:36:00 +0000

salam everyone...

*taking a deep breath

as we go deeper to medical world, as we become more and more senior in medical school, i noticed that we started losing something on the way to that goal (graduate). we started to lose our sense of humanity. not all of us, but some of us. or maybe it just me. me with that little problem.

when i was in Accident&Emergency department (A&E) for two week, i felt that i have a lot of 'bad' thoughts. i become cruel to all the people out there.

when i was in pre-ambulance call, i wish that there will be a case. so i can get a chance to get into that ambulance and go to the scene. jahat kan.

when i was on call at night, i wish that there will be a massive bleeding case or collapsed patient. so that i can observe and assist the doctor doing all the 'medical things' to that patient.

one night, i talked with one of my friend while on da way to the A&E for on call, and her thinking was same as cruel as me. that night was raining and she started to think about the slippery road and there will be a moto-vehicle accident.

but that's us. if there is no case, we cant learn much. because we learned from cases. patient is our best text book.and this is the story from medical world.

there's one night, that one of us was asked to set IV line on one unlucky patient. and i was there to assist my friend to insert the branulla. it was so difficult to get the good vein. and there's is one dilated vein at his dorsal part of his hand, but i told my friend not to puncture that vein because it will be really2 painful to set the IV line there. painful to the patient. better we set at another vein. so, we try to seek another good dilated vein. my friend tried one attempt and failed. then....here come the doctor. and he poke that vein. the vein that we dont even have a gut to poke because we didnt want to cause pain to that patient. and as expected....the patient was in pain. and i just like....what wrong with this doctor? are we going to be like that too in the future? just trying to do it, as long as our job settle?

but i dont want to blame him. that is his job. there a lot of patients in line. and we cant waste our time only on one patient.

and maybe im just not well adapt with it. need time i guess.

but, as we go deeper in medical world...we also notice that we can do a lot of thing to save lifes. used our best knowledge to help people in needs. and helping others....it was the best thing to do in this world!

thank you

youngbitz@yahoo.com (isyaNIA) — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 11:23:00 +0000

Thank You!

almost over

youngbitz@yahoo.com (isyaNIA) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 10:17:00 +0000

wau...!

that's all i can say to describe what was happen to me today.

last night, i went to on call at AnE department. as usual 8-12midnight. then, something happen. one patient collapsed at red zone, and we try to help the doctor to do all the necessary things to the patient. and tup tap tup tap....130am. and something wrong happen to me. i didnt want to go back. i want to stay in AnE. i enjoyed the enviroment. i want to keep doing something in that room. then, we stay there up until 330am.

after all the doctors said...."go home la...u got exam this week."

then, i was planning to fetch my sis at KB at 4am. tunggu puye tunggu....630am she called me and told me that her bus got some problem. so better get some sleep.

*suddenly heard someone's knocking at my door

still not fully awake, i looked at the clock and DAMN! it's 8am and i was late for ward round. running to the toilet and shower.

815am...still drowsy and in a very fast pace to AnE department....someone msg me.

"end posting exam at 10am"

SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!

just imagine, with lack of sleep and nothing's in my brain...how come i can take my exam. but luckily...my leader yg garang (noddy) succesfully persuade the doctor to postpone the exam time to noon.

well, luckily i think i did well. and now....i'm a bit not well centre due to lack of sleep and my adrenal gland already exausted secreting all the cortisol.

p/s: so sad to accept the fact that this thrilling posting almost over. plz...if someone can freeze the time, do freeze it. i wanna stay in AnE posting.

Quote

youngbitz@yahoo.com (isyaNIA) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 19:39:00 +0000

while surfing the internet last night, i found this beautiful quote about love.

"true love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly"

beautiful right?

and something came across my mind....

"i know i am not perfect from outside, so what can i do to make myself better?
trying to be perfect from inside"

hehe actually that is mine. sometimes, being sentimental ok what.

i want to tell you a story about one of my friend. my ex-classmate. one 'very early' morning (145am), he called me. telling me how stress and uninteresting his uni's life is. and i said, if u can stand it for the past 4 years, i think another 1 year wont be a problem to you. he agreed with me. and told me about his 'drive force' when he was having any difficulty. well, actually a bit shocking to me.

"unfortunately, i picked this way. whatever happen in my life, good or bad, im going to go through it till the end, cause i know, GOD has something for me."

sound familliar?

i put this quote in my FB profile. i wrote this to express my previous regret for choosing this road. well, everyone made mistake in making a choice. so do i. but now, there is no way to turn back. the clock is thicking, and i am so positive with the road that i'm taking now.

back to his story. he told me that this quote has change him. if he starts to think how suck his life is, he will use it to calm him down. what an honour to me. well, i never thought that the things that i wrote in my FB or my blog will help to change others too. i write because i love to. anyway, thank u for being an active or silent reader for my blog. this is the place where i express my thought, de-stress myself and sharing all the stories and dramas that occur around me. i write because i think it can help me to be a better person to myself, my family, my friends and peoples around me, and i hope it can help you too.

p/s: if u r reading my blog now, just try to be strong. u r on that road because u r the choosen one. GOD knows that u r capable to go through it. trust me, u r good, and u r always good in this.

Good Luck Sis!

youngbitz@yahoo.com (isyaNIA) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 05:01:00 +0000

musim tengkujuh just started in kelantan and terengganu. lots and lots and lots of rainy day for sure. and i lOVE it so much. hehe

in uni, exam session also just started. and here, in this post, i wanna wish good luck to my lovely sis. dear sis, i never thought that u will end up to be a siswi. but u proved to me and others that we're wrong. so keep it up. do your best in ur exam. and show to them (that always look down at you) that u can get a degree too.

GOOD LUCK SIS!

p/s: i'll wait for u this wednesday morning.

should i call it a day?

youngbitz@yahoo.com (isyaNIA) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 16:27:00 +0000

huhu too many things happen to me today. should i call it a day?

woke up late to ward round and been considered as absent
need to write a letter to head of department for my absent....and what did i write in that letter?being honest about wake-up late thing. and i think that is the best reason right?
oncall for morning and evening session.
leave my room at 815am until 800pm
missed the ambulance call. shit!
meeting the supervisor.
'beku' in that A&E
performed badly in the ECG test. i was failed. beyond repair!
'collapsed' in my room after solat magrib until 930pm.
no lunch today.
i know i am stupid. but today, i just realized how really really stupid i am, and just have 5 months to cover all the 'big holes' in my head. tolong........!

well....after a long day in A&E, i took something to refresh me. oldtown white coffea. the best potion ever.

house needs vicodin, i need caffein. done.

new seven

youngbitz@yahoo.com (isyaNIA) — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 15:34:00 +0000

i went back home dis weekend to attend the 'tahlil'. so i didnt spend much of my time at home. most of them been spend at my my relative's house. a bit tired, but full with satisfaction. at least i can help them to do something right?

and a few days ago, my mum told me on the phone that we have to accept another seven new family members to our small family. and i just like....."oh god, that's a lot". but dont worry mum, im trying to adapt it. i'll try to treat them as my younger sisters and brothers. i'll try.

so today, me and my mother brought some of them (2 out of 7 because 2 went to school and another 3 still in hospital) to giant to buy some foods and shirts. as a reward for their hard work during the tahlil. and also to cheer them up after their sudden lost. and on the way back home, this chit chat stunted me.

mak: kema, tok su da beli gula2 utk stok sebulan. lepas ni jgn nangis2 lagi yer.
kema: hehe mekasih tok su.
mak: kema pahni kena study rajin2 la. abg yan pun kena study rajin2 jugak. skrg kite takde mak ayah da, so kena usaha sendiri la. yg da mati, kite xleh nk buat pape dah. kite yg idup kena la usaha utk idup. ingat tu.
kema: lepas ni kema nak blaja kuat2, nak jadi macam kak nurul.
me:..........(speechless)

damn! this little boy made me cry again.

it is not EASY dude!

youngbitz@yahoo.com (isyaNIA) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 16:07:00 +0000

who wants to do CPR?

anyone dares to raise his/her hand?

before that, let me tell u my experience doing that pushing and mouth to mouth thing. seriously man...it is not EASY!

i had a class in skills lab today. we have been thought about Basic Life Support(BLS) and also Advanced Cardiac Life Support(ACLS). damn! that mannequin sucked all my breath. almost all of them. i was gasping for air after doing all those things.

firstly, we have been separated to a few small groups. and as usual, me, rupesh, philip and chem was been in da same group. 1Malaysia group. hehe then the scenario came.

"a man, 60 year old, collapsed with no pulse and no breathing. act now!"

philip: group leader
rupesh: chest compression
chem: air bagging
me: iv access and drugs

philip checking on the patient.....NO RESPONSE!

chem with air bagging, rupesh was doing the chest compression and me, setting the IV line and drugs preparation.

still no pulse, no breathing.

i started doing the chest compression when that big rupesh claimed to be 'semput'.
how come meh?

patient in atrial fibrillation. ready for defib.
me clear! u clear! everybody clear! and then BOOM!

finally, our 'patient' got pulse and breathing again. we saved him! we saved him! thank god. hehe

*clap clap

anyway, it is not easy to resus a collapsed patient. althought we just playing with dead mannequin, we already felt the pressure working on him, to keep him back, alive. with the 'beeeeep' sound coming from the machine, plus a very short time to think and act, seriously, it is not easy. not easy at all. i just cant imagine myself doing it on human.

and it was so damn tiring. 5 cycles of CPR already sucked out all our energy. how can i stand another 5 cycles of CPR? *thinking

maybe a gulp of energy burst drink. haha

p/s: i like this posting, i love this posting. all the doctors are funny, nice and goooooood looking. *twink twink

the coincidence

youngbitz@yahoo.com (isyaNIA) — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 06:32:00 +0000

salam everyone.

just finished taking my lunch. quite late, due to a very long class in accident and emergency (A&E) department. but, that class was fun. the doctor gave a lot of input and also a lot of jokes. and we kept laughing and laughing in that class. kan best kalu sume doctor mcm tu. x serius memanjang.....hehe

well, right now i am in resuscitation posting. only one week. then will proceed with A&E posting (2 weeks) and anaesthetic posting (2 weeks). so, for this week we will cover all the topic about resuscitation and basic life support. all is about emergency. be fast, think fast, act fast but correct.

today, we had a class about 'basic life support' and 'rapid assesment of trauma patient'. we learned about CPR, the initial things to do when we saw someone lying unconscious with no pulse and no breathing. im sure everyone knows about it. especially the mouth to mouth part. hehe right?

after class, because we were so damn hungry up to the level that our stomach will be perforated, we walked so fast to go to the cafe. then....something caught our attention. in front of the farmacy, a lot of people were gathered looking at the same place. and then we also sibuk2 trying to see what was there. at the center, we saw, one pakcik was lying on the floor. still conscious. 2 of my groupmates went to his side and try to check his condition. luckily he was conscious but a bit drowsy. actually this pakcik was having a seizure attack. and it occured at very suitable place...hospital. the strecher came less then 5 mins. i think just 2 mins. and then he was brought straight to the A&E.

after that, we heading back to our desa while we joked around about the thing that we just learned during our class this afternoon. trying to figure out who's going to do the CPR if that pakcik was having a heart attack.

hehe what a coincidence.

p/s: i started to feel the fun of this posting. the good energy was there. but this posting come at the wrong time to me. when the doctor showed me the picts of the road accident victims, i felt like a big rubber band was stretch around my chest. and i will face more and more and more for the next 2 weeks. huhu