new seven

i went back home dis weekend to attend the 'tahlil'. so i didnt spend much of my time at home. most of them been spend at my my relative's house. a bit tired, but full with satisfaction. at least i can help them to do something right?

and a few days ago, my mum told me on the phone that we have to accept another seven new family members to our small family. and i just like....."oh god, that's a lot". but dont worry mum, im trying to adapt it. i'll try to treat them as my younger sisters and brothers. i'll try.

so today, me and my mother brought some of them (2 out of 7 because 2 went to school and another 3 still in hospital) to giant to buy some foods and shirts. as a reward for their hard work during the tahlil. and also to cheer them up after their sudden lost. and on the way back home, this chit chat stunted me.

mak: kema, tok su da beli gula2 utk stok sebulan. lepas ni jgn nangis2 lagi yer.
kema: hehe mekasih tok su.
mak: kema pahni kena study rajin2 la. abg yan pun kena study rajin2 jugak. skrg kite takde mak ayah da, so kena usaha sendiri la. yg da mati, kite xleh nk buat pape dah. kite yg idup kena la usaha utk idup. ingat tu.
kema: lepas ni kema nak blaja kuat2, nak jadi macam kak nurul.
me:..........(speechless)

damn! this little boy made me cry again.

it is not EASY dude!

who wants to do CPR?

anyone dares to raise his/her hand?

before that, let me tell u my experience doing that pushing and mouth to mouth thing. seriously man...it is not EASY!

i had a class in skills lab today. we have been thought about Basic Life Support(BLS) and also Advanced Cardiac Life Support(ACLS). damn! that mannequin sucked all my breath. almost all of them. i was gasping for air after doing all those things.

firstly, we have been separated to a few small groups. and as usual, me, rupesh, philip and chem was been in da same group. 1Malaysia group. hehe then the scenario came.

"a man, 60 year old, collapsed with no pulse and no breathing. act now!"

philip: group leader
rupesh: chest compression
chem: air bagging
me: iv access and drugs

philip checking on the patient.....NO RESPONSE!

chem with air bagging, rupesh was doing the chest compression and me, setting the IV line and drugs preparation.

still no pulse, no breathing.

i started doing the chest compression when that big rupesh claimed to be 'semput'.
how come meh?

patient in atrial fibrillation. ready for defib.
me clear! u clear! everybody clear! and then BOOM!

finally, our 'patient' got pulse and breathing again. we saved him! we saved him! thank god. hehe

*clap clap

anyway, it is not easy to resus a collapsed patient. althought we just playing with dead mannequin, we already felt the pressure working on him, to keep him back, alive. with the 'beeeeep' sound coming from the machine, plus a very short time to think and act, seriously, it is not easy. not easy at all. i just cant imagine myself doing it on human.

and it was so damn tiring. 5 cycles of CPR already sucked out all our energy. how can i stand another 5 cycles of CPR? *thinking

maybe a gulp of energy burst drink. haha

p/s: i like this posting, i love this posting. all the doctors are funny, nice and goooooood looking. *twink twink

the coincidence

salam everyone.

just finished taking my lunch. quite late, due to a very long class in accident and emergency (A&E) department. but, that class was fun. the doctor gave a lot of input and also a lot of jokes. and we kept laughing and laughing in that class. kan best kalu sume doctor mcm tu. x serius memanjang.....hehe

well, right now i am in resuscitation posting. only one week. then will proceed with A&E posting (2 weeks) and anaesthetic posting (2 weeks). so, for this week we will cover all the topic about resuscitation and basic life support. all is about emergency. be fast, think fast, act fast but correct.

today, we had a class about 'basic life support' and 'rapid assesment of trauma patient'. we learned about CPR, the initial things to do when we saw someone lying unconscious with no pulse and no breathing. im sure everyone knows about it. especially the mouth to mouth part. hehe right?

after class, because we were so damn hungry up to the level that our stomach will be perforated, we walked so fast to go to the cafe. then....something caught our attention. in front of the farmacy, a lot of people were gathered looking at the same place. and then we also sibuk2 trying to see what was there. at the center, we saw, one pakcik was lying on the floor. still conscious. 2 of my groupmates went to his side and try to check his condition. luckily he was conscious but a bit drowsy. actually this pakcik was having a seizure attack. and it occured at very suitable place...hospital. the strecher came less then 5 mins. i think just 2 mins. and then he was brought straight to the A&E.

after that, we heading back to our desa while we joked around about the thing that we just learned during our class this afternoon. trying to figure out who's going to do the CPR if that pakcik was having a heart attack.

hehe what a coincidence.

p/s: i started to feel the fun of this posting. the good energy was there. but this posting come at the wrong time to me. when the doctor showed me the picts of the road accident victims, i felt like a big rubber band was stretch around my chest. and i will face more and more and more for the next 2 weeks. huhu

al-fatihah

if u read today's newspaper or watched the news last night, u might know about one of the road accident involving 3 cars that cause 4 deaths in terengganu. the link.

actually, they are my relatives. the closest one. my aunt, my cousin, his wife and his youngest son died in that accident. the other 4 still in hospital, 3 of them still in bad condition. it gave us a big 'bang' since they were among the closest relatives we have.

i started to feel something bad was happen when around 9pm(friday), my father called my relative in felda cheneh to ask about the kenduri on saturday (yesterday). then, they told us that my cousin and others still not arrive to their house althought they leave their house around 3pm. and they tried to reach them by phone, but no one pick it up. well, if they have a problem with a car, i believe that they will call them to inform about their late arrival right. then, around 1030pm, the BAD NEWS came. all we know that time was....they involved in car accident, and some of them died.

i saw my parents crying that night. they got their own reason to cry. my father.....he is the one that always went to their house every morning for the last 5 months, sending food for breakfast to his sister everyday. although my aunty got alzheimer, my father was the only one that she remember. and the morning before she died, she shaked my father's hand and asked for his forgiveness. a sign that she will never be back again. you know, it is so hard to see your father's tears right. so do i. but last night is one of the night that i will remember most in my life. i cried so hard in front of the tv after i saw my father's tears in the buletin utama, telling about the car accident to the journalist. my mother....she was very close with my cousin and his wife. and until today, she still cant stop crying.

they left behind 7 children. in a blink of eyes, they become anak yatim. if i were in their shoes....i dont think i am ready for that.

well, i met them twice for da last 2 months. one day before ramadhan and on the first day of hari raya. and their deaths recalled one memory of mine.

on the first day of hari raya.....
abg din: doktor, doktor, mana doktor?
me: sini la. ishk bukan doktor lagi. tunggu 6 bulan lagi bleh la panggil doktor.
abg din: ala xpe la, ntah2 abg din sempat ke x tgk nurul jadi doktor.
me: hehe sempat2.

yesterday, after pengebumian, i promised to myself that i dont want to cry anymore. cause i know they dont want us to cry for them. but today, while writing this post i broke the promise......i cried again.

al-fatihah. moga roh mereka dicucuri rahmat dan dimasukkan ke dalam golongan yg beriman dan bertakwa.amin....

post psychiatric exam

alhamdulillah.....already finish half of the exam thing in psychiatric posting. tomorrow, have to complete another half.

luckily, today i got the patient that i already clerked him previously. so, it is quite easy for me. and for him too. however, he seem to be not recognize me at all. actually, i clerked him on sunday. well, maybe because of there's a lot of medical students here and there. and he is confused. nevermind.

so firstly, we (me and philip) approached one staff nurse, and asked her to give any suitable patients for us to clerk. there was 2 patients, both male, young and stable. and the staff nurse asked them to pick any of us. and one of them, who was standing beside philip, jump straight to me. asking me to pick him. ok ok ok, i pick u my dear. so the exam started.

me: askum.....bleh perkenalkan diri.
patient: wslm.....saya ali (bkn nama sbenar...hehe)bla bla bla.....asal bla bla bla....umor bla bla bla....keja bla bla bla......
me: ok ok stop dulu. saya izzatul, doktor pelatih thn 5. saya tgh exam skrg. boleh saya taye skit utk amik maklumat psl ali. tolong yerk.
patient: boleh dr. dr nak taye pape, taye la. saya jawab. saya akn tolong doktor. skrg saya sihat, saya rasa ceria. saya rasa saya da boleh balik. bla bla bla....... dr nak saya panggil dr ape?
me: pggl sya je. xyah dr2.
patient: sya umur brape?
me: 23
patient: ooooo abg umo 29. abg x kawen lagi. single. skrg keja kuat, sbb nak kumpul duit, nak kawen. ok la kalu beza 6 tahun. sya da kawen?
me:(*dan dan tu bahasakan diri abg) hehe ali, jom start ek *trying to stop the conversation about kawen.
patient: x kawen lagi ek?
me: da kawen. anak ade sorg. *desperately want to stop it.
patient: ala, pompuan xleh kawen ramai. abg sedih la.
me: ok2, ali jgn sedey2. kite ceria ok. td ali kate ali happy kan. skrg ali jgn taye saya pape.. tu keja saya utk taye ali k.so, biar saya taye ali. ok?
patient: frust la abg mcm neh. kejap la, abg nak g amik coklat. *then he went away.

luckily, he came back.

patient: ok la dr, saya da ok. taye la. nak bagi teka teki pun ok.
me: (hehe ilang da abg) ok, kite start ek.

then the real exam session started after a very long introduction.

well, dont ever think that he is crazy. he just mentally unstable. actually, he is in manic state of bipolar disorder. maybe due to overactivity in his brain. thats why, he kept talking until i need to stop him. he got this problem due to substance abuse. easy to say, drug abuse. pretty sad to hear his story. 8 siblings, he is the 7th. the eldest brother died because of aids. 2nd and 4th brother also got involved in drug abuse. and now he is addicted to amphetamine. and that leads to his current problem.

mental problem can occur to anyone. either u r a doctor, lawyer, PhD graduate, rich loaded person, or come from a very low economic class family, with drug abuse background and poor academic performance during schooltime. there is no cure, we just can control it with medication that have a lot of side effects with the recurrent percentage still there.

just remember that prevention is better than cure. so we, who still have a well functioning sound mind, need to prevent it. have a healthy life. de-stress yourself, made a lot of friends and seek treatment if u have a problem.

psychiatric posting

currently, i am in psychiatric posting. only 2 weeks duration. and it is quite relax compared to other postings. of course we have requirements that we need to do, but it also less compared to others. we just need to complete 50% of the log book. sound easy rite? and i'm the leader of the group for this posting and they made a big mistake by choosing me cause for sure, i'll bring chaos to the group and also the schedule. haha

since it is a short posting, so i just have a very short times to revise, complete the requirement and also study before the end posting exam. my short case will be this wednesday and the next day will be MCQ. quite worried about MCQ since there's a lot of my friends failed this posting just because of MCQ. my examiner for short case will be my supervisor.....Dr Wan Norhaida. a year ago, when i was in orthopaedic posting, i had my long case examination with Dr Eskandar. if u read my previous previous post lar. astually he is Dr Wan Norhaida's husband. well the husband is a very nice doctor, and the wife also soooo nice and sweet. hopefully, i can perform well this coming wednesday and thursday. amin!

i have a chat wif my friend last night. and we were talking (chatting) about student's life, exam and also medical student's life. well, i think some of us out there were confused about our (medical student) life. they think that we gonna have a good job (of course we are) and also a good salary (emmm can say it is good but x berbaloi dgn beban keja), high respective life by the society (that one, quite true because people's put their trust on u), dont have to write a resume or even bother to find a job because u already have a secured place for u ( currently, it is true) and a very nice happy non-stress life after graduated (that one is totally wrong dear).

well, almost five years in medical school, i can say that medical world is not as beautiful as we can see from the outside. not as fun, full of sex as u can see in grey's anatomy. hehe seriously. if i had a child, and if he or she wants to proceed with medical thing, i'll let her/him think twice. i am not going to stop her/him if that is what he/she wants. i just wanna them to think deeply before taking this road. yes, it is one of a high respectful noble career in this whole world, and parents are craving to have one of their child to become a doctor. but, the price that u have to pay also high my dear.

our learning process never stop. it will keep changing over time. and new diseases keep emerging in this world forcing us to learn and learn and learn.

they think that:

medical world belongs to nerdy?

are u agree with that? i am partly agree because i can see from here. this school is full with a lot of nerdy skematic students. but trust me, there's also non-nerdy in this school. it just.....little. and this bunch of people that bring lifes to medical school actually.

medical student=ulat buku?

yes, we are. we really are. we have to read because we have to pass the exam. if not, we have to add another one year to our academic schedule. u dare to that? me? big NO. one year in medical school is something that i fear most in my uni's life. i dont want to be suffered here for another one year. NO! NO! NO!

they just think about study study study, and dont even get involve in other non-academic activity.

that one, true and false. yes, some of us prefer to stay in their room, sleep and read. but, some also know how to make their life much2 better than the rest. they choose to go out, shopping, have fun and also get involve in sport or other activites when they are free. we also human maaaa.

well, i think other schools also got their own story and life. maybe it is worse than medical school. what i am telling u in this post is what i felt for the past 4 years. but now, no more space for me to turn back. life must go on.

this is a promise to myself.

i'll wear that velvet robe next year, recieve my scroll and recite the sacred HIPPOCRATIC OATH with my batchmates.

running away

"ok clear!"

"are you sure?"

"yes, he's on the phone."

3...2....1...GO!

"doctor! doctor!"

hehe that time, i knew, that pakcik (who pronounced himself as 'abang' to me) was calling me. but my brain told me to keep walking, dont stop and never look back. and that is what i did. pekakkan telinga, bulatkan bijik mata and walk as fast as i can. huhu i am so scared. i even walked faster than noddy. something that quite rare to be seen when we were walking together.

well, i can assume that he was calling the other person, cause we all know, that i am not a doctor yet. hehe *twink twink

and anyway noddy, thanks a lot for that laugh!

p/s: looking at the daisypath, i just got 6 months to go. oh god, scary yer nak final exam.

fair or unfair

im trying my best to be fair to each one of them. but it will never be fair. so what should i do? i be unfair to everyone. so i think it will be fair if i be unfair to everyone. most of them just accepted it but not for some. and they started searching for my back and did the 'sok sek sok sek' session. do i care about that??

HELL NO!

all that 'sok sek sok sek' thing just the meaningless flakes to me. but it sadden me a bit. because that flakes come from my own race. huhu

i know i can not satisfy everyone. that is what we call a LIFE. so then, i will stick to my decision. because if im trying to satisfy everyone, then i am on my way to destroy myself. thank u.