alive

just to tell the world that i am still alive.....

well....it is quite true

hey everyone!

i found this in FB. someone wrote this and seriously, it is interesting to be shared with all of you.

.........................................

Criterias for becoming a Malaysian Govt Doctor. Theres no need for an aptitude test. Students should consider these requirements:

1. No life outside medicine; this includes dating, sports, clubbing, chores for your parents and visiting the toilet

2. Not to live with your parents. Move out ASAP as they will never understand the ludicrous working hours that u go through. Furthermore, chores are not suitable for u as to rule No. 1.

3. Not to be married until completion of all 4 years of Govt Compulsory service as u will be transferred left and right to some of the most remote Govt clinics in Malaysia. Having wife and kids to follow you to your new working area may increase high level of stress on all parties. Furthermore, if your spouse is a Govt Doctor, he/she will also be transferred away from u and no matter what appeal is made, KKM will put up a deaf ear (unless u have big cables or of a certain skin color).

4. If married, no to have children until u finish all 4 years of Govt Compulsory service, as to which u and your spouse will not have much time for your child/children or they end up not recognizing u and refer the Indonesian maid as their mother (change in language patterns commonly follow).

5. To obtain life insurance once your govt service begins as there is not many claims for accidents during work. Don't be fooled, Doctoring in Malaysia is hazardous.

6. Able to withstand 36 hours of non stop work and stress without mistakenly labeling Left for Right or uvula for vulva (or Volvo S40)

7. To buy a car with complete safety features (like I'm doing) which includes multiple airbags, ABS, EBD, side-front-rear-top-parallel and diagonal impact bars and seat belts to ensure survivability if u are involved in an accident because your driving resembled a drunkard maniac after working in the hospital for 40 hrs non stop.

8. Constant supply of coffee

9. Nicotine Patch as u will have the urge to start smoking due to overwhelming stress

10. Interest in watching medical sitcoms such as House MD, Scrubs, ER, Grays Anatomy and Chicago Hope to inspire u to continue your life as a doctor as the exciting things u see on TV does not resemble the real life of a Malaysian govt doctor.

11. Not to have any pets or plants (not even cactuses) as u will have no time to feed or care for them and eventually all will end up in your mortuary.

12. Able to endure the stench of your own sweat as to when 36 hours "on call" does not permit u time to bathe or freshen up.

13. Able to carry on working without food or water over 15 hours. ( I was in OT for 16 hrs without food, water or bathroom breaks). If during fasting month, able to break your fast with ?water for injection? as u had no time to buy food.

14. Able to come to work with fever/cough/illness or physical disability (sprained ankle etc) as to which doctors do not deserve MCs. (My MO was on crutches during rounds)

15. Able to stand scolding, destructive criticism, kiss ass behaviors, racial bias, finger pointing, scape goating, and in competency from your superiors.

16. Able to withstand the jealousy when your friends call u up for some fun and ur stuck in the hospital during on call.?

well....it is quite true. i encountered some similar condition during my training. i even had one nurses, helping me to break my fast during ramadhan by inserting one dates into my mouth because that time i was busy putting the catheter to one unstable male that need to be send to ICU STAT! my right hand was holding the catheter and my left hand was holding the thing that u r imagine in ur head right now.

because of that reasons.......i put all the mo and specialist high up. for me, they are the strongest persons that i've ever met in my life. able to going through all the difficulties to reach that spot. and i do hope, i will be on that spot one day.

isya nia....fighting!!!!

p/s: the no 9 was not related with me at all because i'm not a smoker.

a letter

"to my dear right middle and index fingers, im really really sorry for giving both of you such a hardtime. i know the workload that i've given to u are beyond you imagination. but what can i do, when other people are also relying on you. but trust me sayang, just try to bear with it for another 4 months, then we will be free (insyaAllah)."

the commonest things that need this two fingers are:

1-peace sign
usually been use while posing in front of camera.

2-VE
what VE stand for??? it's vagina examination.

and trust me, that is my daily routine because currently i am in Obstetric and Gynaecology posting. just 4 days of life in this posting, my two fingers already in pain. still can feel the spasm of the muscle of my right arm. i just couldn't count how many VE i've done. how many baby i help to bring them safely to this world. how many times i was sitting in between two legs, try to repair the damage after delivery.

during my student time, i did ask 1 HO about the feeling, sitting there while repairing someone's vagina in 3 am. and you know his answer?

"wordless"

i hate doing that. it is a dirty job. it mix with blood, liqour and human feces. and of course, this three combination produce such a 'dolce&gabbana, lancome and gucci' perfume. my my nose only around 15-20cm from the source, nicely been covered with 1 face mask that only get rid 20-30% of the smell. but when i started doing it, i will give my very best to repair it. why? because i am a human plus i am a woman. when i want to wear a shirt or baju kurung, i'll wear those that suit, well made and fit enough with my body. so, when i repair the damage, i put my feeling into the patients. of course, if i was in patient's situation, i will always wish for the best. and that feeling keep me awake and alert while doing the repair.

so at the end, although i keep cursing myself for doing this kind of job.... i end it with satisfaction. looking at those well stitches vagina made by my dearly two hands. a masterpiece. haha

my advice to all woman in this world, plz kindly give extra care to you vahjayjay...it is a gift from god. we need to appreciate it's beauty and it's magic. because we are human, so into beautiful things. right?

emmm...... am i to open talking about it????

a sweet bye bye for medical

alhamdulillah....

complete 1 killer posting i guess. got 5 to go.

as u know, i started my career as a doctor with medical posting. everyone around me kept telling me how lucky i am to start my housemanship training with medical posting. at least, i will face the common illness in society, plus there is a lot of procedures that i can hands on and manage them medically.

well, because of that, i kept praising to god, how beautiful HE arrange my life. but, to get the sweetness from medical posting, i have to go through so many disgusting and heart wreaking situation in my life. how i face the 1st death in my life, how a patient that happily talking to me, then later drop dead in front of me, and entertained so many weird behaviour and request from a creature named human. but i took all of them as a challenge to me and try to gain something from them.

the first 3 months in medical......

i kept cursing this posting. i didn't see at all the beautiful things about medical until i was been posted in isolation wad, managing less than 5 patients and being alone, depending only to me and myself.

yes, i am lucky because i have a small number of patient to be taken care of.

but, being alone there, really teach me something. at least, i know how to be independent without my colleague to back me up. and i like it. plus...i got someone that really really good in teaching. *twink twink

but when i just started to enjoy the sweetness of medical....

my time with them goes to the end. at least during this 4 months of posting, i did learn a lot. very valuable stuffs to help me to survive later in another posting.

medical is a nice posting. maybe, one day, i'll end up being medical speacialist. who knows rite? well good bye medical. gonna miss u and all the wonderful people in medical.

p/s: gonna miss ur scent, ur laugh an ur voice.

i told my mum

i told my mum....i like old guy. not just 2-3 years older, but 8-10+ years older than me. and my mum gone crazy.

i told my mum....i like chubby guy. and my mum said..it is acceptable.

i told my mum....i like 'buncit' guy. but not as buncit as 8 months pregnant lady. and my mum said....as u wish my dear.

i told my mum...i had a crush and i can see she's smiling to me. because i never talk 'guys' with her.

and i told my mum...i had a crush to a wrong guy. and with a very serious face....she said to me, "better stop now or u will suffer later".

it is just one sided crush...will disappeared over time. i hope.

but honestly, i do love this feeling.

late confession

one guy, 40+ year old, married

an asthmatic patient

during my oncall night, i stay in that ward for the whole night because i was worried about his unstable condition. he had frequent asthma attack. when the attack came, he was like a fish that have been thrown on the ground, gasping for air with blank staring eye. begging for help.

and when the attack resolved, he was so exhausted.

then when i reviewed him again at 2am in the morning, he made a confession. a confession that i think came deeply from his heart. the most sincere confession he ever made in his life.

"doctor, if i can turn back time, i wanna stop smoking or i dont wanna be a smoker at all. i'm not gonna touch it if i know this is what gonna happen to me. i am too exhausted. and i dont think i can stand another attack."

he didn't sleep the whole night. he kept looking at the monitor, that showing his vital signs.

then 1 day later, i got a news that he passed away after having a severe asthma attack. yes, his death leave a mark in my heart. not because of how lovely he was that night, able to laugh with me, but because how his wife react with his death. the specialist took about 30mins to convince the wife that the husband was gone. but she kept saying that his husband will wake up again.

she was in denial state. yesterday she was a wife, then today the title change to a single mother.

and about that confession.....it was a LATE CONFESSION.

i just hate them

salam everyone. im back!!!

there's only 2 weeks left for me to stay in medical department. thank god, i passed the viva session and right now im just concentrate on completing my dear green log book.

well, 3 month + in medical department, i've seen so many patient, with so many complaint and and many 'disgusting' behaviour.

but, that is the reality of my job. treated them with the best knowledge i have.

actually, there's one group of human being that i hate most.

that group name.......the 'hardcore' smoker

i face them everyday. and it become more and more and more because currently i'm in chest team and managing the chest clinic.

i have a lot of reasons to hate them. and i couldnt find any reason to like them.

they smoke everyday. they know smoking cause harm to themselves but they keep on smoking and smoking and smoking. actually, i dont really care about the future outcome for their own action. let them be. because for me, they have a very well sound mind to think about it. and i didnt hate them because of that reason.

i hate them when their illness (that they got from smoking habit) cause problem to others especially their wives and children. sometimes, they came to ward at 3am, because of shortness of breath. and that time, u will see the wife with red eyes came together with a small baby in hand. i dont like seeing that. because the husband seek the problem and drag the wife into it.

but, the no one reason why i hate smoker is....

when i walked in the ward at 2-4am during my oncall, i will see the wife, sleeping on the hard dirty floor to be together with the husband. there's one wife, came to me, begging me to let her husband home because she worried about her 3 years old son while her husband requesting to me to keep him in the ward for the next 2 week and just let him home 2-3 day before raya. the reason.......he dont want to fast. and he never think about the little boy at home.

i not gonna write here about the dangerous effect of smoking. im not gonna touch about the way to stop smoking. because, i dont think im in a correct position to talk about it.

u might think that i should talk about it right?

yes, i am a doctor. but i am a doctor who have a brother that happily smoke 20 sticks per day.

and that is a failure to me. and thinking about my sis in law sleeping on that hard floor already give a chills to me. but, what can i do when they are in the 'hardcore' smoker.

so better stop here. change to mood raya.

SELAMAT HARI RAYA!
MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN....

5 years of pain for 10 seconds of fame

salam ramadhan everyone!!!!

finally, i was graduating from USM on last 4th of august 2010. received the scrool from our dear chancellor.


what i can desribe about that day is..." i've been through 5 years of hardship only for 10 seconds of fame on that stage".

but trust me...

that 10 seconds was very meaningful enough to you until u didnt care about the past 5 years of hardship. that is the magic of graduating!

of course there's a lot of camwhoring pose from us. but i'll try to upload it later when i'm free enough to surf the internet which i dont know when. haha

so lets enjoy the ramadhan first wif zikir and praise to god. alhamdulillah..............

they wanna tell u a story...

sorry for taking such a long time to upload the picts. although i manage to upload only some of them, at least i can show you all the happy faces around the kenduri in my house. i hope, there's a smile on you face right now.

see ya!

the early morning creatures

what are the things that human loves to do???

for me....i guess sleeping.

well during my working life, i cant denied about the important of enough sleep. before this i can sleep at 1-2am. but now, 930pm is my sleeping time. and i started to appreciate every single time of my life.

during my study time, i prefer to wake up late on weekend. and i believe that other people also love to do the same thing too. but lately, my cycle of life strted at early morning. and i am seeing a new enviroment which i miss for about 24 years.

while driving alone in da middle of subuh....i started to appreciate the early morning creatures that already awake early than me.

the pak cik penjual surat khabar

the old peoples that walking alone to go to surau to perform their subuh prayer

nasi lemak sellers

even the chickens and cows. they woke up early than us.

that time i started to accept what i am doing currently. i have to wake up early every morning but still got a good salary. not like them, which the income not so stable.

and one more thing....

trust me, the sunrise is beautiful.

dear god...i think i am lucky to have this life.

the 3rd death

salam everyone....

personally, i think im a strong tough gurl. although sometimes, i can feel how fragile i am inside but i tried to mask that fragility by showing my confident face to everyone surrounding me.

and it works until i face the 3rd death in my HO life.

he was a young and very nice guy. just got married 3 weeks prior to admission. and i can feel the love that surrounding this young newly wed couple. actually, i was not the one that should reviewed him because he was not in my cubicle. but, that day, i decided to help my friend to review him after completed my job.

and from that, i started to get to know him. yes, he was weak that day. and i know he was not ok. but i kept telling him that everything will be ok. and not like other patients....he just listened to me. there's one episode, he was coughing blood. i came to him, and he was panicked. his eyes showed me how scared he was that time. and i just put my hand on his chest, asked him to breath normally. and just like before....he listened to me.

but later, he was coughing blood again. massively. and only god knows how scared i am that time. i kept telling myself that he wont die. but dear GOD loves him much more than us. and he just gone.

i was there...being the last doctor staying beside him. gaining the courage to pronounce the death to his 3 weeks old wife.

after i pronounced the time of death, i straight away picked my bag and run to my car. but before i reached to my car, i cried. not the usual cry. i just knew him for 1 day, but his kindness and friendlyness already touch me. and his death affect me until now.

may ALLAH blessed him.

AL-FATIHAH

time of my life

wake up at 530am

at hospital at 630am

go back home at 6pm

this is my daily cycle. when i'm in hospital, all i can see is patients. and the life in the ward was so hectic until i combine my breakfast+lunch+dinner into 1. and at the same time, i didnt notice about how time goes by. tup tap tup tap it was 5pm. i am glad that the time fly so fast. so i can go back home and have a nice rest. but at the same time, i noticed something. because of that, i am getting old faster than before.

someone told me that i have no life working as a doctor. and i was so mad about that. i know im busy being an HO (Hamba Orang) until i got so limited time for myself. up until now, i still got no chance to watch one world cup's game completely. miss the chance to support my favourite team. and now i have no time to play sport. i miss all the time when i sweat a lot after the game. drinking the water while laughing with my teammates. i miss all those time. but that is my past life. now im in a new chapter of my life. and im still on da way to adapt it.

-

no matter how lame it is, it is my life.

-

no matter how plain it is, i'll put some colour on it.

-

no matter how silent it is, i'll humming the music

-

and no matter how suck it is, i'll accept it, and try to change it.

-

you, human.... have no rights at all to say i have no life. everyone got one life. and let him or her decide how he/she wants to colour it.

-
so please....i got my life. it is beautiful on it's own way.

the first death

when i was a kid, there's someone that always come to my house, spent a few nights and then disappeared. i never asked my parents about him. cause i believe that, he might be someone that my parents know, or maybe have a blood relationship with us. when he came, he just took a small space in my living room, prepared his rokok daun and started smoking.i can still remember how the rokok daun was on his lips, and how he was wearing his serban. when we have our dinner or lunch, he will join us. and my parents treated him like a family. and again, i have no urge at all to ask my parent about who he is.

and then time goes by, and a few years later....he disappeared.

.............................................

during my first week of tagging, there was one patient. lying on the bed, motionless. i went through his files, and noted that he was mental retarded and came in with COAD (chronic obstructive airway disease), hirschprung disease, with intestinal obstructive symptoms. he looked so ill, thin and was placed in acute bed.

one day, his blood pressure went down. and i noted it. so i called the MO, telling her about his condition. then my MO noted that he was not for intubation cause he was a COAD patient. if once intubated, it might be difficult to take it out. because the COAD patients had some problem with regulation of CO2 and O2 in their body. so, i take the order, and just observed from the table.

later, the blood pressure was going down again. worse than before. and i know, the prognosis was not so good. so we talked with his relatives, either they want active resuscitation or not. they picked active.

while waiting for maghrib, i went to his bed again. checking the blood pressure. everything is lowish. he was hypotensive and the SPO2 also not good. then i talked again to his relative, telling her about his current state. while talking to his relative, i asked about where she came from.

then the story began. she live in the same village with this patient. and that village was the area where my mother came from. asked again a few things. then i got a clear view that this patient was my father's 'sibling'. my father lived with his father during his single time. shocked state.

after my magrib prayer, i went to his bed again. this time, asystole. we did the CPR for 30mins, but he never came back. the time of death....840pm.

at home, a told my parents about him...and then more shoking things happen. he was THAT GUY. the guy that came in to my house, slept and smoke in my living room, and the one that i never had an urge to asked my parents about who he was.

GOD created the storyline beautifully rite? who knows that im gonna do my first CPR as a doctor to the guy from my past. who knows that the first death that i eccounter in my first week of working life came from a guy that i knew.

when i know about this, nothing else i can do. im working in my hometown. so i cant run from facing my own family, or my relatives or my friends in the hospital.

there will be a lot of coming death that im gonna face. we cant fight it. all in god's hand. so be strong isya!

al-fatihah.....

2 weeks of hell

salam everyone...

yes....im invisible for a quite some time right? but it is ok, im back. im not gonna close this blog just because im so busy with my work. but maybe the frequency of updating this blog will be slower than before. i have to accept the fact that i am no longer a student that can sit in front of my lappy 24/7, surfing the internet and chit chat chut wif my siber friends. so, here i am. to tell you the story of my two weeks of 'hell'.

as usual, for someone that just started working, u have a lot of new things to learn. a lot of new friends to be friend with and a lot of procedure to go through. and u have to catch all those thing faster. if not, u will be left behind, doing nothing. and i just gone through that phase and it was not easy.

in every posting, we will be tagged to one ward for 2 weeks. and u have to be there from 7am till 1030pm. and during that period, there's so many things and jobs to be done. everyone is watching at you, judging either u are good, bad or lazy. so, to be in the ward before 7am, i have to wake up at 530-6am every morning. driving alone in the middle of cold morning, with blood that full with sleeping hormone. to keep my eyes open, i kept telling myself that i woke up that early for good, to help peoples, to save lives, and it worked i guess. hehe

and 1030pm, does not mean that u can go back home straight away. sometime, one patient collapse, and you have to attend it. for me the 1030pm is just a 'syarat'. and i never expect myself to go back at 1030pm. sometimes i arrived home at 12.30am, and woke up again at 530am the next morning. continue the new cycle of life.

am i complaining about it??

nope.

during that 2 weeks of tagging, i can count how many times i was talking to my parents and my siblings. when i arrived home at night, i was just walking straight away to my room. locked the door. i have no courage at all to talk with them. cause i was afraid that im gonna burst into tears and showed to them how weak i am, how pathetic and how fuck my life is. even after my second day of tagging, i was crying alone in the shower, hoping that warm water will washed away all my pain. so, i can wake up the next morning with a new spirit. i am secretive girl. and i am happy to keep it for myself without telling my dear family.for them, i am a brilliant and strong daughter and sister, and i am just wanna keep it that way. so, they dont have to worry about me.

then that two weeks of hell reach to the end. but, nothing much different. im still wake up at 530am, running here and there in that ward, and go back home around 6pm. and if on call, i will go back home the next day at 6pm. nothing much different. but, that is the price that i have to pay to help other people. and i dont care. because when i'm busy and tired helping them, i also found joy in it. the joy that u can not describe it in words. and it has soothing effect to me. help me to be more positive about the road that i am taking right now.

so finally, i found the answer why GOD picked me to be a doctor. because HE believe that i can do it.

sincerely....
isyaNIA

im a government worker

huh....im in KL again. dont like it. i like KL. but as my shopping center. but to live and build my family here, i don't think so.

last week i was in KL for MASUM

this week im in KL because of kursus induksi.

which means....i am a worker in government sector. so hard to change the fact that i am no longer a student. well the kursus started yesterday (7 jun 2010). and it also means that my salary also started to be count from yesterday. and i have to present myself to pengarah kesihatan negeri terengganu this sunday. huhu why i have to work before world cup. kan best kalu keja start after world cup. huhu

and for sure, my life will be hectic after this. because this course will be end on 11 of jun. and on 12, there will be the kenduri for my bro's wedding in my house. then on 13 i have to start to work. well, mmg keja gila. but no choice. dont worry, sya selalu buat keja giler. haha

now, stuck in one hotel in da middle of kuala lumpur because of the induksi. berdarah telinga n hidung listened to all the lectures. but at least, the food was ok n nice.

so, c ya later.

the end of my uni's life

salam everyone.

well, today is da last day for my uni's life. *although my other batchmates already closed the uni's diary a month ago.

this morning, i played my last game as GA (goal attack) with USM's netball team. thank god, we won the game. although i think i was not giving my best for that game, but playing with them was such a big honour to me. they are the best team mates ever. i love them all with all my heart. to hazirah, hanis, rozye, yan, fiza sr, fiza jr, aishah, suzye, farah, syam, nadia, emil, jannah, miss gan and kak nor, thank you so much for giving me such a meaningful and beautiful ending for my university's life. i'm gonna miss this moment.

then another good news arrived. i will be posted to Hospital Sultanah Nur Zahirah soon. my first choice. so glad to get that hospital. at least i can stay close with my family. thank you god for your unending blessing to me. thank you.

so, after this, i'll be heading home tonite. tomorrow is a big day for my dear brother and his fiancee. they are getting married tomorrow!!! and i will get a sister in laws. happy2. although ade sedikit rasa bersalah cause i was not around preparing the wedding, but im so thrill to enjoy the first wedding in da family.

so to my dear brother and soon to be sister in laws......

"SELAMAT PENGANTIN BARU AND SEMOGA KEKAL KE ANAK CUCU"

for us friendship means three

year 1

year 2

year 3

year 4

year 5

once, they were medical and dental student. met in usm, decided to be friends and kept holding to each other while facing any obstacles in life. 5 years they shared secrets, problem, tears, pain, joy and gossips. then that 5 years reach to the end...now, they have to go separately. taking different path, facing the world alone, without others. one in terengganu, one in kedah and one in johor. they might change to be a better person, but deep in their hearts....the friendship that they gained together will never change. because that friendship that help them to be who they are today. i miss u. damn miss u all.

........................................

on my way to KL for masum, i met nurul when our bus stop at one rest station. nurul was on the way to putrajaya for registration thing there. it was around 3am in the morning. i didnt know it until nurul called my phone to wake me up. i reject the 1st call because i was to sleepy that time. and then the phone rang again. i picked it up and it was nurul, telling me that her bus was next to my bus. so we decided to have a drink at that rest station (actually only me that ordered a drink that night). as usual, nurul got a lot of things to be shared. and i was just listening. that time, i have a thought about this might be the last time i'm listening to nurul's complaint about her coursemates. might be....

and then time to get into the bus. we shake hand and hugged and said good bye.

in the bus, suddenly i felt sad. thinking about that might be the last time we met. and without notice, i cried. sob sob sob. only god knows how much i love this friendship. we never quarrel to each other. the chemistry between us is very very strong. and we know, we wont stop here. although we live in different state, the bonding will never stop. noddy and nurul, be happy with your love ones. we will meet again in da future. sayang korang.

april and may

as i promised, i got a lot of thing to be shared here. but since all of them are old stories. i make it quick and short k.

well, after my result came out last april, we had one big dinner to celebrate our victory in that final fight. the theme was "glam nite". and it was really2 glam. all my coursemates went shopping and wear all the glittering dress that nite. me? just make it simple, i wore short kebaya. pink from up to toe. actually pink is not my faveret colour. never ever be one. but i got no choice, so pink is my savior that nite. one of the best thing about that night was, i got "anugerah sukan" from my school (School of Medical Sciences) for my achievement in sport. so happy for that anugerah. at least got a chance to stand on that stage. haha and nurul was there too. to celebrate it with us. thanks nurul.

recieving the award from our dearest Timbalan Dekan

the night end beautifully and holiday started. stay at home. eat, sleep, watching tv and be the bibik for tasya. so at the end, im gaining weight. emm nevermind.
then...

i went to langkawi with BHEPP to attend kem keusahawanan. a good camp for anyone who interested to be usahawan. since i have a dream to have my own bussines in da future, this camp gave me a lot of input. like learning a new thing. a very useful new thing. have fun there. and got new friends and new experience, experiencing the small earth quake.

then...

continue the holiday. but a bit busy compared to before. i have to clean the house as preparation for my brother's wedding which is in jun. and the best thing is, i have my own proper bedroom. and did some makeover to it. why i said my own proper bedroom??? cause i never have a proper room since i left my house at the age of 13. so put some violet colour on the wall and added some new furnitures in that room. the result...beautiful.

finished that part...

so currently i'm in USMKK. having my netball training for MASUM this coming 28-6 jun. well, as usual, a lot of sweat, laugh and fun. after the masum's game, i have to fly straight away to terengganu for my brother's wedding. initially, i felt it was impossible for me to play in masum because of my brother's wedding. but god bless them...i have a beautiful and supportive family that allowed me to play as long as i completed my job in house and be home before my brother get married. so masum's game is da closure for my life as university student. sad to leave usm but happy cause i have such a nice event to end it. the sport that i passionate most in my life...netball. plus playing with a beautiful team ever. sayang korang sume.

so here, i would like to congratulate my dearest friend aka Dr Nurul Fahizha for passing the professional 3 exam. happy to think that 3 of us can graduate together this august.

and my dear brother...congrate for ur wedding. and kak ida, welcome to this family. and one more thing for my brother, the thing that i treasure most this time apart from my own family is ur gift. thanks a lot for that BONIA's purse. love it so much.

king or slave?

dear nurul, i think i should spread this. hehe

i copied this article from one of my close friend's blog. an article from The Star online blog.

emmm what should i say huh???

even when i was a medical student, we were ill treated by the some hospital personnels. we all dilabel as penyibuk and penyemak kat wad. but we knew where we stand that time. but when i read this article...well i have to accept the fact that i'll be ill treated by them for the rest my life i guess. not all of them, but some. no wonder being a doctor is one of honourable job in the world. u treat the patients, and say nothing when being step by others. haha my coming new world.

so here is the article, and i let u indulge with it.

"Why we left and why we will continue to leave..."
Posted by: MS Mohamad

I read an interesting article today about a few prominent figures addressing their concern over the increasing UKM and UM medical graduates who have left the country to continue their medical practice overseas.

After reading the news for 3 times, I called a very close friend, an MD (UKM) graduate to ask his opinion on how the news might have affected him. He has been working in Singapore for more than a decade as a Consultant Surgeon with a certain sub-specialty

"Why be a slave in your own country, when you are a king in another?" He replied.

Indeed, if anybody would want to find a reason why all of us left, either after housemanship, after being a specialist, or even after sub specializing, and now, even prior to doing housemanship, they need not look at our payslip, or the wealth that we have gained overseas, but only to the Medical System that has been rotting in the ignorance and politic-based stupidity that Malaysia has been well-known for (in the medical field).

I have served the system for nearly 2 decades of my career, waiting for it to improve for so long, and only finding myself in despair, quitting with a 24-hour notice and serving abroad. The system is, in my opinion, keeping doctors, since the beginning of their career as House Officers to the end of it, in the lowermost priority. When I was working there, doctors are so ill-treated, while the nurses and the medical assistants are overpowering us.

I still remember the days when I was doing seeing patients and rounds as an MO, while the staff nurses would mind their own business, having breakfast in the pantry, or having gossip chats at their own leisure. My House Officers would then have to do merely all the labour-work, up to the extent of setting intravenous drips, and serving medications. If I am to expect the nurses, my patients would have been dead, or the work would have been too slowly or incompletely done.

When I was a House Officer, I had to run down 4-5 floors just to review a blood investigation of a dying dengue patient. The ward staff would either be nowhere around, or will say that he is busy (busier than the doctor?) or the answer I got at that time:

"Doktor nak cepat, doktor turun sendirilah, gaji doktor lagi banyak dari saya"

Even when I was a Specialist, the staff nurses had to be called again and again just to make sure the management plan for the patient would be done. I was already used to answers from them:

“I’m busy with something else"

“My shift is already over"

...it was routine for me.

The Medical Assistants were worse. They would hide behind their so-called boss, the Head of Medical Assistant. They feel hiding behind him would make them not under our jurisdiction, that we have no power to instruct them in managing the patient, that they have power to manage own their own. I've seen them giving medications not as we prescribed, performing procedures without our knowledge, as if they are the actual "Doctors". They are in their own world, and we have to do their job, taking blood, labelling samples, and even cleaning gadgets from the procedures that we have done.

Oh, but the ministry loves this group. They even let them run a clinic now, instead of upgrading the clinics already run by doctors. The government feels that the MAs are very important and should never be ill-treated by those big bad doctors. One time when I was a District Hospital Medical Officer, I was conducting a delivery of a baby. An MA insisted that I remove my car which was block-parking his car. I answered through the phone that I was busy.

He came to the labor room and yelled "Semua orang pun sibuk jugak, macamlah doktor seorang yang sibuk!”

It is insulting that an MA or a staff nurse claims that they are BUSY, as busy as a doctor? As a Malaysian Doctor, I have even worked for 72 hours straight. I have experienced working until my 6 month old daughter did not recognize me at the end of the week.

Is that how busy they are? I am very sure that they are so busy, that they can only spend 2 hours at the nearby Mamak stall, or can only leave at 5:10 PM instead of 5, or can only have 1 hour of lunch.

The management staffs are worse. I have to beg and plead so that I can get my on-call claims, of RM25 per 48 hours of work. While sitting in an air-conditioned office, they will at their own leisure, process my call claims so that I will receive them by the next decade.

The state health or Hospital Director would just give another inspirational talk (of bollocks) on team effort and beauty of teamwork.

That is how Malaysian doctors are treated in the government sector: without respect, without dignity and without significance. Why?

It is because we are bound by ethics to try our best to save lives, despite how ill-treated we are. We hardly have time to complaint because we are too busy or tired, and we would rather spend the precious time resting or seeing our loved ones. The burden of trying to save lives is on our shoulders alone. No MAs or Staff nurses would shoulder it with us. They have their own bosses: the Sisters, Matrons, or Head of MAs, which job description is to ensure that the big bad doctors will not ask their underlings to do extra work.

This is how the Malaysian Ministry of Health have treated their doctors. I am very sure that in each and every doctor, there is a slowly-burning patience in serving the Malaysian people, which will eventually fade and cause them to surrender to serving a place that treats them better.

A few colleagues who graduated from UK choose to serve there:

"The pay is more, and we get the respect we deserve"

Another works in Brunei:

“Here the staff nurses respect Malaysian doctors, and they are very co-operative" (He ended up marrying one)

A few are consultants in Singapore (working with me):

"Here we are treated well, we spearhead the management, and every else do their work to the best of their capabilities".

A few even enjoys working in Indonesia:

“The work-load is horrible since there are a lot of patients, but we are well respected by every hospital personnel" (They have migrated there for nearly a decade)

I am sure that people will see doctors as power-hungry individuals who want to be the boss in the hospital. Trust me, after having graduated 6-7 years of medical school, earning a DEGREE, and subsequently MASTERS, and SUBSPECIALITY, you would expect a degree of respect and being considered important. We are trying our best to improve patient's quality of life, or making sure he lives another day. Is it too much to ask from the system that we are important?

I find that Malaysia is the only country that is making doctors' lives miserable and treated like rubbish. It was never about the pay in the first place. It is about the treatment we are getting and the false political-based promises. Do you know that the so-called circular about doctors can have the day off after working 24 hours straight released JULY 2009 is not yet implemented? Do you know that the raise of UD 41 to 44 does not involve every doctor in the government service?

We are waiting for improvement. We have waited a long time when we were working in the system. Somewhere along the line we decided to leave and wait outside the system. Until the system changes, we will continue to work overseas, in countries which are appreciative of us. Trust me, Malaysian-graduate doctors are considered highly skilful and competent in neighbouring countries, and the 15 % brain drain is more significant than you think.

We will return when the system prioritize us and gives us the quality of life we deserve.

If it stays the same, Malaysian Hospitals would end up having Staff nurses and Medical Assistants as "Doctors", and we would have to send patients to Indonesia for an appendicectomy.

Hear our voice. We hardly speak, but will usually fade away from conflict (and fly to another place).

so speechless????

status

currently in post-langkawi-trip blues or in one word.....

COKLAT!!!!!!

out from the cave

hello everyone!

i know i've been leaving this blog for so many weeks. after i leave usmkk, i decided to cut off my connection with internet. i mean my broadband still fuctioning, but i just ignored it together wif my lappy.well actually currently i am enjoying my holiday with my family, just staying at home, do some eating and watching the TV. emm should i say 'some'???? hehe

and the result... i'm gaining weight and my sister never stop teasing me about that. but you know, after so many many many years living outside my house, eating all the 'nasi dingin' and 'nasi goreng' each day and night, this is the perfect time to take the revenge. so, my mum's cook. the best cuisine in the world. so, gaining weight wouldn't be an issue to me. em for this time being laaaa. hahaha

well, during my absence from this blog, so many things happen to me. and in my head, there is a long list of stories waiting in line to be story here, in this blog. so wait, be patience. i'll tell u one by one. but not today.

tomorrow, i'll be going to USMKK. because the next day, i have to go to langkawi, to seek some fun there. after i'm done there, i tell u all the stories that i wanna share, and upload all the pictures that i've taken.

and to nurul, dont be nervous k. i know u r worried about that list. dont wory, u'll be ok and good luck for ur coming exam. well, i guess i have to sleep in ur room tomorow's night. maybe another pijama party???? hehe

The Oath

salam everyone.....

emm...still receiving a few of congratulations from friends and family. thank you so much. i do appreciated it. *twink twink

last thursday was a day of the beginning of my new chapter of life. and you know, im still adjusting myself to that new title. kind of weird, initially. haha

well, after our names were been announced by our dean, we have one ceremony. everyone that successfully graduated from medical school have to recite an oath. it is an oath of graduates. you know, my hand was shaken and tears were pooling in my eyes while reciting that oath. it means a lot to me, after going through a very rough years in my life to achieve it.

Oath of Graduates of School of Medical Sciences (USM)

In the name of God,
We seek from u:

The ability to be truthful, honest, modest, merciful and objective in our dealings.
The fortitude to admit our mistakes, to amend our ways and to forgive.
The wisdom to comfort and counsell all our patients towards well being, peace and harmony regardless of their social status, race and religion.
The ability to understand that our profession is sacred, dealing with your most precious gift of life and intellect.
We promise to devote our lives in serving Mankind, poor or rich, literate or illeterate, irrespective of race and religion with patience and tolerance, with virtue and reverence, with knowledge and vigilance, and with Your love in our hearts.

i hope i'll be a safe doctor. treating all mankind that needs my help. now one aim achieved. so time to chase the other aims that i got in my head for so many years....

the MD

Dr Nurul Izzatul Aisyah bt Ismail, MD(USM)

hehe sound so damn good rite?

alhamdulillah...the result came out already. and as u can see, i am a doctor now. syukur yg tak terkira. to all MD 05/10, congratulations!

thank u so much to my parents (mak and ayah), abg ameer, adik ima, kak ida, noddy, nurul, my study grup members (chem, farha, dama n nurin), and all of you that keep praying to god for my success in this exam. now, all 5 years of tears and sweats are paying off. time to have a nice sleep before entering da new life as HO (Hamba Orang).

complete one chapter of life.....

it's not just a dream

hi everyone!

i know....i know....im in da middle of my final exam. but today, feels like i wanna share something with u dear readers. feels like i wanna write something, wanna share and spend a few times with this blog.

are you believe in dream????

well something happen to me today. and that thing made me believe that sometimes dream or 'mimpi' did come true.

a few days ago, in my study week, i had a dream. in that dream, there was one very nice specialist ( i cannot mention his name here) and me. i was in some difficulty, and then he came and offered his hand to me. i hold his hand. tightly. and then he guided me to get out from that difficulty.

and today.....i met him. as my long case EXAMINER. and just like in that dream....he guided me. nicely. i am so blessed to have him as my examiner. thank you doctor!

and to dear god, thank you so much. thank you for the undeniable blessing that you showered to me. and i hope it wont stop here.

.................................

for the update, i just finished my MEQ, OSCE and long case exam. the remaining are short case exam (tomorow) , MCQ 1 and MCQ 2 (sunday). do pray for me and my friends k. and to robex, thanks a lot for the tips. i think it helped me a lot.

and one more thing...i am so happy to tell you that i got "Anugerah Sukan" from USM. it just "half colour". but it means a world to me. although i cannot make it to the dinner (in da main campus) because of my final exam, at least all my sweat and times that i spend on sport are paying off. emmm sape kate budak medic tau bace buku aje????

ok, have to go. wanna have some nap, and continue studying for the next paper. c ya!

we arised from the hardest acorn

five years ago, we were the small tiny little seeds that met in one promising land. craving and fighting for water, nutrients and sunlight.

slowly, we took out our first root and embedded it into the rich soiled of USMKK.

by years....

we grew taller, and everyone was aiming for the sky. using all the energy to produce more leaves, and trying to become among the tallest and the biggest in that forest. until now, we still stand proudly, after going through all the storms and phases of life.

and now....

the real big hurricane is coming towards us. come to test our real strength, either our roots are standing on the correct spot or not. either it goes deeper enough to prevent us from collapsing.

my dear friends...

it was 5 years already. knowing all of you are gold to me. no matter how tired you are, preparing for this coming fight, don't stop. just don't stop and keep running. although some of us already succumbed on the way to reach the finishing line, it is still our job to complete it.

PBL 10 - year 2 and 3 (06/07-07/08)

Clinical Group 4 - year 4 and 5 (08/09-09/10)

to all MD 05/10...lets fight for this coming final challenge. together we make a new history to USM. amin......