sense of humanity

salam everyone...

*taking a deep breath

as we go deeper to medical world, as we become more and more senior in medical school, i noticed that we started losing something on the way to that goal (graduate). we started to lose our sense of humanity. not all of us, but some of us. or maybe it just me. me with that little problem.

when i was in Accident&Emergency department (A&E) for two week, i felt that i have a lot of 'bad' thoughts. i become cruel to all the people out there.

when i was in pre-ambulance call, i wish that there will be a case. so i can get a chance to get into that ambulance and go to the scene. jahat kan.

when i was on call at night, i wish that there will be a massive bleeding case or collapsed patient. so that i can observe and assist the doctor doing all the 'medical things' to that patient.

one night, i talked with one of my friend while on da way to the A&E for on call, and her thinking was same as cruel as me. that night was raining and she started to think about the slippery road and there will be a moto-vehicle accident.

but that's us. if there is no case, we cant learn much. because we learned from cases. patient is our best text book.and this is the story from medical world.

there's one night, that one of us was asked to set IV line on one unlucky patient. and i was there to assist my friend to insert the branulla. it was so difficult to get the good vein. and there's is one dilated vein at his dorsal part of his hand, but i told my friend not to puncture that vein because it will be really2 painful to set the IV line there. painful to the patient. better we set at another vein. so, we try to seek another good dilated vein. my friend tried one attempt and failed. then....here come the doctor. and he poke that vein. the vein that we dont even have a gut to poke because we didnt want to cause pain to that patient. and as expected....the patient was in pain. and i just like....what wrong with this doctor? are we going to be like that too in the future? just trying to do it, as long as our job settle?

but i dont want to blame him. that is his job. there a lot of patients in line. and we cant waste our time only on one patient.

and maybe im just not well adapt with it. need time i guess.

but, as we go deeper in medical world...we also notice that we can do a lot of thing to save lifes. used our best knowledge to help people in needs. and helping others....it was the best thing to do in this world!