2 weeks of hell

salam everyone...

yes....im invisible for a quite some time right? but it is ok, im back. im not gonna close this blog just because im so busy with my work. but maybe the frequency of updating this blog will be slower than before. i have to accept the fact that i am no longer a student that can sit in front of my lappy 24/7, surfing the internet and chit chat chut wif my siber friends. so, here i am. to tell you the story of my two weeks of 'hell'.

as usual, for someone that just started working, u have a lot of new things to learn. a lot of new friends to be friend with and a lot of procedure to go through. and u have to catch all those thing faster. if not, u will be left behind, doing nothing. and i just gone through that phase and it was not easy.

in every posting, we will be tagged to one ward for 2 weeks. and u have to be there from 7am till 1030pm. and during that period, there's so many things and jobs to be done. everyone is watching at you, judging either u are good, bad or lazy. so, to be in the ward before 7am, i have to wake up at 530-6am every morning. driving alone in the middle of cold morning, with blood that full with sleeping hormone. to keep my eyes open, i kept telling myself that i woke up that early for good, to help peoples, to save lives, and it worked i guess. hehe

and 1030pm, does not mean that u can go back home straight away. sometime, one patient collapse, and you have to attend it. for me the 1030pm is just a 'syarat'. and i never expect myself to go back at 1030pm. sometimes i arrived home at 12.30am, and woke up again at 530am the next morning. continue the new cycle of life.

am i complaining about it??

nope.

during that 2 weeks of tagging, i can count how many times i was talking to my parents and my siblings. when i arrived home at night, i was just walking straight away to my room. locked the door. i have no courage at all to talk with them. cause i was afraid that im gonna burst into tears and showed to them how weak i am, how pathetic and how fuck my life is. even after my second day of tagging, i was crying alone in the shower, hoping that warm water will washed away all my pain. so, i can wake up the next morning with a new spirit. i am secretive girl. and i am happy to keep it for myself without telling my dear family.for them, i am a brilliant and strong daughter and sister, and i am just wanna keep it that way. so, they dont have to worry about me.

then that two weeks of hell reach to the end. but, nothing much different. im still wake up at 530am, running here and there in that ward, and go back home around 6pm. and if on call, i will go back home the next day at 6pm. nothing much different. but, that is the price that i have to pay to help other people. and i dont care. because when i'm busy and tired helping them, i also found joy in it. the joy that u can not describe it in words. and it has soothing effect to me. help me to be more positive about the road that i am taking right now.

so finally, i found the answer why GOD picked me to be a doctor. because HE believe that i can do it.

sincerely....
isyaNIA