personally, i think im a strong tough gurl. although sometimes, i can feel how fragile i am inside but i tried to mask that fragility by showing my confident face to everyone surrounding me.
and it works until i face the 3rd death in my HO life.
he was a young and very nice guy. just got married 3 weeks prior to admission. and i can feel the love that surrounding this young newly wed couple. actually, i was not the one that should reviewed him because he was not in my cubicle. but, that day, i decided to help my friend to review him after completed my job.
and from that, i started to get to know him. yes, he was weak that day. and i know he was not ok. but i kept telling him that everything will be ok. and not like other patients....he just listened to me. there's one episode, he was coughing blood. i came to him, and he was panicked. his eyes showed me how scared he was that time. and i just put my hand on his chest, asked him to breath normally. and just like before....he listened to me.
but later, he was coughing blood again. massively. and only god knows how scared i am that time. i kept telling myself that he wont die. but dear GOD loves him much more than us. and he just gone.
i was there...being the last doctor staying beside him. gaining the courage to pronounce the death to his 3 weeks old wife.
after i pronounced the time of death, i straight away picked my bag and run to my car. but before i reached to my car, i cried. not the usual cry. i just knew him for 1 day, but his kindness and friendlyness already touch me. and his death affect me until now.
may ALLAH blessed him.
AL-FATIHAH
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