playing with those tiny fingers

salam everyone...

im back to rock the blog. well, for the past 1-2 months ago, so many things happened.and of course sometime, it did change my view about something and towards something. well i knew that i've changed. being more mature and positive about my life, i hope!

so last february....i entered a new department. with a new enviroment and a lot of new things to be catched in short time. as usual la kan...

and it also means that....i survived the O+G posting. it was a not-so-good experience to me. and honestly i hate it. i just hate it.

my sis in laws also already reached the term period of pregnancy. the baby will be out in any time. and i am so excited to welcome the new member of our small family.

in my new posting aka pediatrics

the pressure also high. they just so high expectation. and it did pressure me a lot. so many things to be read again and again and again. this 1st 1 month, i was posted to neonatal ward which mean i have to handle those small tiny fingers that just 1-2h of life. initially i do have problem handling that tiny baby. but i guess i am quite good right now. haha

i'll update about my life again later. c ya!

I just could't say yes anymore

hey everyone!

did you enjoy ur raining season? me? em well as you know, i love rainy day. but with my working life, i have no oppurtunities to enjoy it. it even cause me become deppresed because i have to work on da rainy day. especially when you have to oncall in the weekend with rains pouring down cats and dogs.

im sure all of you want to see the update for my crazy life rite? it is still crazy, even much much more crazy than before. 2 years ago, i was so in love with obgyn. i even saw myself being part of them in da future. but after almost 3 months with them, too much flaws i saw. and i just can not accept the fact that all the mismanagement that occured in ward or in labour room was caused by us which also known as hamba orang (ho). when we did a mistake, they will bang the whole world about it. are we the bunch of people that only know how to make a mistake. it's hurt you know to accept the fact that the thing that you love 2 years ago now seem to be like an enemy to me. it really2 hurt.

but like what i always said before, life must go on. keep on put the smile on your face no matter how cruel they are. let them know that you are strong.

deeply from my heart,

isyania

well....it is quite true

hey everyone!

i found this in FB. someone wrote this and seriously, it is interesting to be shared with all of you.

.........................................

Criterias for becoming a Malaysian Govt Doctor. Theres no need for an aptitude test. Students should consider these requirements:

1. No life outside medicine; this includes dating, sports, clubbing, chores for your parents and visiting the toilet

2. Not to live with your parents. Move out ASAP as they will never understand the ludicrous working hours that u go through. Furthermore, chores are not suitable for u as to rule No. 1.

3. Not to be married until completion of all 4 years of Govt Compulsory service as u will be transferred left and right to some of the most remote Govt clinics in Malaysia. Having wife and kids to follow you to your new working area may increase high level of stress on all parties. Furthermore, if your spouse is a Govt Doctor, he/she will also be transferred away from u and no matter what appeal is made, KKM will put up a deaf ear (unless u have big cables or of a certain skin color).

4. If married, no to have children until u finish all 4 years of Govt Compulsory service, as to which u and your spouse will not have much time for your child/children or they end up not recognizing u and refer the Indonesian maid as their mother (change in language patterns commonly follow).

5. To obtain life insurance once your govt service begins as there is not many claims for accidents during work. Don't be fooled, Doctoring in Malaysia is hazardous.

6. Able to withstand 36 hours of non stop work and stress without mistakenly labeling Left for Right or uvula for vulva (or Volvo S40)

7. To buy a car with complete safety features (like I'm doing) which includes multiple airbags, ABS, EBD, side-front-rear-top-parallel and diagonal impact bars and seat belts to ensure survivability if u are involved in an accident because your driving resembled a drunkard maniac after working in the hospital for 40 hrs non stop.

8. Constant supply of coffee

9. Nicotine Patch as u will have the urge to start smoking due to overwhelming stress

10. Interest in watching medical sitcoms such as House MD, Scrubs, ER, Grays Anatomy and Chicago Hope to inspire u to continue your life as a doctor as the exciting things u see on TV does not resemble the real life of a Malaysian govt doctor.

11. Not to have any pets or plants (not even cactuses) as u will have no time to feed or care for them and eventually all will end up in your mortuary.

12. Able to endure the stench of your own sweat as to when 36 hours "on call" does not permit u time to bathe or freshen up.

13. Able to carry on working without food or water over 15 hours. ( I was in OT for 16 hrs without food, water or bathroom breaks). If during fasting month, able to break your fast with ?water for injection? as u had no time to buy food.

14. Able to come to work with fever/cough/illness or physical disability (sprained ankle etc) as to which doctors do not deserve MCs. (My MO was on crutches during rounds)

15. Able to stand scolding, destructive criticism, kiss ass behaviors, racial bias, finger pointing, scape goating, and in competency from your superiors.

16. Able to withstand the jealousy when your friends call u up for some fun and ur stuck in the hospital during on call.?

well....it is quite true. i encountered some similar condition during my training. i even had one nurses, helping me to break my fast during ramadhan by inserting one dates into my mouth because that time i was busy putting the catheter to one unstable male that need to be send to ICU STAT! my right hand was holding the catheter and my left hand was holding the thing that u r imagine in ur head right now.

because of that reasons.......i put all the mo and specialist high up. for me, they are the strongest persons that i've ever met in my life. able to going through all the difficulties to reach that spot. and i do hope, i will be on that spot one day.

isya nia....fighting!!!!

p/s: the no 9 was not related with me at all because i'm not a smoker.

a letter

"to my dear right middle and index fingers, im really really sorry for giving both of you such a hardtime. i know the workload that i've given to u are beyond you imagination. but what can i do, when other people are also relying on you. but trust me sayang, just try to bear with it for another 4 months, then we will be free (insyaAllah)."

the commonest things that need this two fingers are:

1-peace sign
usually been use while posing in front of camera.

2-VE
what VE stand for??? it's vagina examination.

and trust me, that is my daily routine because currently i am in Obstetric and Gynaecology posting. just 4 days of life in this posting, my two fingers already in pain. still can feel the spasm of the muscle of my right arm. i just couldn't count how many VE i've done. how many baby i help to bring them safely to this world. how many times i was sitting in between two legs, try to repair the damage after delivery.

during my student time, i did ask 1 HO about the feeling, sitting there while repairing someone's vagina in 3 am. and you know his answer?

"wordless"

i hate doing that. it is a dirty job. it mix with blood, liqour and human feces. and of course, this three combination produce such a 'dolce&gabbana, lancome and gucci' perfume. my my nose only around 15-20cm from the source, nicely been covered with 1 face mask that only get rid 20-30% of the smell. but when i started doing it, i will give my very best to repair it. why? because i am a human plus i am a woman. when i want to wear a shirt or baju kurung, i'll wear those that suit, well made and fit enough with my body. so, when i repair the damage, i put my feeling into the patients. of course, if i was in patient's situation, i will always wish for the best. and that feeling keep me awake and alert while doing the repair.

so at the end, although i keep cursing myself for doing this kind of job.... i end it with satisfaction. looking at those well stitches vagina made by my dearly two hands. a masterpiece. haha

my advice to all woman in this world, plz kindly give extra care to you vahjayjay...it is a gift from god. we need to appreciate it's beauty and it's magic. because we are human, so into beautiful things. right?

emmm...... am i to open talking about it????

a sweet bye bye for medical

alhamdulillah....

complete 1 killer posting i guess. got 5 to go.

as u know, i started my career as a doctor with medical posting. everyone around me kept telling me how lucky i am to start my housemanship training with medical posting. at least, i will face the common illness in society, plus there is a lot of procedures that i can hands on and manage them medically.

well, because of that, i kept praising to god, how beautiful HE arrange my life. but, to get the sweetness from medical posting, i have to go through so many disgusting and heart wreaking situation in my life. how i face the 1st death in my life, how a patient that happily talking to me, then later drop dead in front of me, and entertained so many weird behaviour and request from a creature named human. but i took all of them as a challenge to me and try to gain something from them.

the first 3 months in medical......

i kept cursing this posting. i didn't see at all the beautiful things about medical until i was been posted in isolation wad, managing less than 5 patients and being alone, depending only to me and myself.

yes, i am lucky because i have a small number of patient to be taken care of.

but, being alone there, really teach me something. at least, i know how to be independent without my colleague to back me up. and i like it. plus...i got someone that really really good in teaching. *twink twink

but when i just started to enjoy the sweetness of medical....

my time with them goes to the end. at least during this 4 months of posting, i did learn a lot. very valuable stuffs to help me to survive later in another posting.

medical is a nice posting. maybe, one day, i'll end up being medical speacialist. who knows rite? well good bye medical. gonna miss u and all the wonderful people in medical.

p/s: gonna miss ur scent, ur laugh an ur voice.

late confession

one guy, 40+ year old, married

an asthmatic patient

during my oncall night, i stay in that ward for the whole night because i was worried about his unstable condition. he had frequent asthma attack. when the attack came, he was like a fish that have been thrown on the ground, gasping for air with blank staring eye. begging for help.

and when the attack resolved, he was so exhausted.

then when i reviewed him again at 2am in the morning, he made a confession. a confession that i think came deeply from his heart. the most sincere confession he ever made in his life.

"doctor, if i can turn back time, i wanna stop smoking or i dont wanna be a smoker at all. i'm not gonna touch it if i know this is what gonna happen to me. i am too exhausted. and i dont think i can stand another attack."

he didn't sleep the whole night. he kept looking at the monitor, that showing his vital signs.

then 1 day later, i got a news that he passed away after having a severe asthma attack. yes, his death leave a mark in my heart. not because of how lovely he was that night, able to laugh with me, but because how his wife react with his death. the specialist took about 30mins to convince the wife that the husband was gone. but she kept saying that his husband will wake up again.

she was in denial state. yesterday she was a wife, then today the title change to a single mother.

and about that confession.....it was a LATE CONFESSION.

the 3rd death

salam everyone....

personally, i think im a strong tough gurl. although sometimes, i can feel how fragile i am inside but i tried to mask that fragility by showing my confident face to everyone surrounding me.

and it works until i face the 3rd death in my HO life.

he was a young and very nice guy. just got married 3 weeks prior to admission. and i can feel the love that surrounding this young newly wed couple. actually, i was not the one that should reviewed him because he was not in my cubicle. but, that day, i decided to help my friend to review him after completed my job.

and from that, i started to get to know him. yes, he was weak that day. and i know he was not ok. but i kept telling him that everything will be ok. and not like other patients....he just listened to me. there's one episode, he was coughing blood. i came to him, and he was panicked. his eyes showed me how scared he was that time. and i just put my hand on his chest, asked him to breath normally. and just like before....he listened to me.

but later, he was coughing blood again. massively. and only god knows how scared i am that time. i kept telling myself that he wont die. but dear GOD loves him much more than us. and he just gone.

i was there...being the last doctor staying beside him. gaining the courage to pronounce the death to his 3 weeks old wife.

after i pronounced the time of death, i straight away picked my bag and run to my car. but before i reached to my car, i cried. not the usual cry. i just knew him for 1 day, but his kindness and friendlyness already touch me. and his death affect me until now.

may ALLAH blessed him.

AL-FATIHAH

time of my life

wake up at 530am

at hospital at 630am

go back home at 6pm

this is my daily cycle. when i'm in hospital, all i can see is patients. and the life in the ward was so hectic until i combine my breakfast+lunch+dinner into 1. and at the same time, i didnt notice about how time goes by. tup tap tup tap it was 5pm. i am glad that the time fly so fast. so i can go back home and have a nice rest. but at the same time, i noticed something. because of that, i am getting old faster than before.

someone told me that i have no life working as a doctor. and i was so mad about that. i know im busy being an HO (Hamba Orang) until i got so limited time for myself. up until now, i still got no chance to watch one world cup's game completely. miss the chance to support my favourite team. and now i have no time to play sport. i miss all the time when i sweat a lot after the game. drinking the water while laughing with my teammates. i miss all those time. but that is my past life. now im in a new chapter of my life. and im still on da way to adapt it.

-

no matter how lame it is, it is my life.

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no matter how plain it is, i'll put some colour on it.

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no matter how silent it is, i'll humming the music

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and no matter how suck it is, i'll accept it, and try to change it.

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you, human.... have no rights at all to say i have no life. everyone got one life. and let him or her decide how he/she wants to colour it.

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so please....i got my life. it is beautiful on it's own way.

the first death

when i was a kid, there's someone that always come to my house, spent a few nights and then disappeared. i never asked my parents about him. cause i believe that, he might be someone that my parents know, or maybe have a blood relationship with us. when he came, he just took a small space in my living room, prepared his rokok daun and started smoking.i can still remember how the rokok daun was on his lips, and how he was wearing his serban. when we have our dinner or lunch, he will join us. and my parents treated him like a family. and again, i have no urge at all to ask my parent about who he is.

and then time goes by, and a few years later....he disappeared.

.............................................

during my first week of tagging, there was one patient. lying on the bed, motionless. i went through his files, and noted that he was mental retarded and came in with COAD (chronic obstructive airway disease), hirschprung disease, with intestinal obstructive symptoms. he looked so ill, thin and was placed in acute bed.

one day, his blood pressure went down. and i noted it. so i called the MO, telling her about his condition. then my MO noted that he was not for intubation cause he was a COAD patient. if once intubated, it might be difficult to take it out. because the COAD patients had some problem with regulation of CO2 and O2 in their body. so, i take the order, and just observed from the table.

later, the blood pressure was going down again. worse than before. and i know, the prognosis was not so good. so we talked with his relatives, either they want active resuscitation or not. they picked active.

while waiting for maghrib, i went to his bed again. checking the blood pressure. everything is lowish. he was hypotensive and the SPO2 also not good. then i talked again to his relative, telling her about his current state. while talking to his relative, i asked about where she came from.

then the story began. she live in the same village with this patient. and that village was the area where my mother came from. asked again a few things. then i got a clear view that this patient was my father's 'sibling'. my father lived with his father during his single time. shocked state.

after my magrib prayer, i went to his bed again. this time, asystole. we did the CPR for 30mins, but he never came back. the time of death....840pm.

at home, a told my parents about him...and then more shoking things happen. he was THAT GUY. the guy that came in to my house, slept and smoke in my living room, and the one that i never had an urge to asked my parents about who he was.

GOD created the storyline beautifully rite? who knows that im gonna do my first CPR as a doctor to the guy from my past. who knows that the first death that i eccounter in my first week of working life came from a guy that i knew.

when i know about this, nothing else i can do. im working in my hometown. so i cant run from facing my own family, or my relatives or my friends in the hospital.

there will be a lot of coming death that im gonna face. we cant fight it. all in god's hand. so be strong isya!

al-fatihah.....

2 weeks of hell

salam everyone...

yes....im invisible for a quite some time right? but it is ok, im back. im not gonna close this blog just because im so busy with my work. but maybe the frequency of updating this blog will be slower than before. i have to accept the fact that i am no longer a student that can sit in front of my lappy 24/7, surfing the internet and chit chat chut wif my siber friends. so, here i am. to tell you the story of my two weeks of 'hell'.

as usual, for someone that just started working, u have a lot of new things to learn. a lot of new friends to be friend with and a lot of procedure to go through. and u have to catch all those thing faster. if not, u will be left behind, doing nothing. and i just gone through that phase and it was not easy.

in every posting, we will be tagged to one ward for 2 weeks. and u have to be there from 7am till 1030pm. and during that period, there's so many things and jobs to be done. everyone is watching at you, judging either u are good, bad or lazy. so, to be in the ward before 7am, i have to wake up at 530-6am every morning. driving alone in the middle of cold morning, with blood that full with sleeping hormone. to keep my eyes open, i kept telling myself that i woke up that early for good, to help peoples, to save lives, and it worked i guess. hehe

and 1030pm, does not mean that u can go back home straight away. sometime, one patient collapse, and you have to attend it. for me the 1030pm is just a 'syarat'. and i never expect myself to go back at 1030pm. sometimes i arrived home at 12.30am, and woke up again at 530am the next morning. continue the new cycle of life.

am i complaining about it??

nope.

during that 2 weeks of tagging, i can count how many times i was talking to my parents and my siblings. when i arrived home at night, i was just walking straight away to my room. locked the door. i have no courage at all to talk with them. cause i was afraid that im gonna burst into tears and showed to them how weak i am, how pathetic and how fuck my life is. even after my second day of tagging, i was crying alone in the shower, hoping that warm water will washed away all my pain. so, i can wake up the next morning with a new spirit. i am secretive girl. and i am happy to keep it for myself without telling my dear family.for them, i am a brilliant and strong daughter and sister, and i am just wanna keep it that way. so, they dont have to worry about me.

then that two weeks of hell reach to the end. but, nothing much different. im still wake up at 530am, running here and there in that ward, and go back home around 6pm. and if on call, i will go back home the next day at 6pm. nothing much different. but, that is the price that i have to pay to help other people. and i dont care. because when i'm busy and tired helping them, i also found joy in it. the joy that u can not describe it in words. and it has soothing effect to me. help me to be more positive about the road that i am taking right now.

so finally, i found the answer why GOD picked me to be a doctor. because HE believe that i can do it.

sincerely....
isyaNIA

im a government worker

huh....im in KL again. dont like it. i like KL. but as my shopping center. but to live and build my family here, i don't think so.

last week i was in KL for MASUM

this week im in KL because of kursus induksi.

which means....i am a worker in government sector. so hard to change the fact that i am no longer a student. well the kursus started yesterday (7 jun 2010). and it also means that my salary also started to be count from yesterday. and i have to present myself to pengarah kesihatan negeri terengganu this sunday. huhu why i have to work before world cup. kan best kalu keja start after world cup. huhu

and for sure, my life will be hectic after this. because this course will be end on 11 of jun. and on 12, there will be the kenduri for my bro's wedding in my house. then on 13 i have to start to work. well, mmg keja gila. but no choice. dont worry, sya selalu buat keja giler. haha

now, stuck in one hotel in da middle of kuala lumpur because of the induksi. berdarah telinga n hidung listened to all the lectures. but at least, the food was ok n nice.

so, c ya later.

king or slave?

dear nurul, i think i should spread this. hehe

i copied this article from one of my close friend's blog. an article from The Star online blog.

emmm what should i say huh???

even when i was a medical student, we were ill treated by the some hospital personnels. we all dilabel as penyibuk and penyemak kat wad. but we knew where we stand that time. but when i read this article...well i have to accept the fact that i'll be ill treated by them for the rest my life i guess. not all of them, but some. no wonder being a doctor is one of honourable job in the world. u treat the patients, and say nothing when being step by others. haha my coming new world.

so here is the article, and i let u indulge with it.

"Why we left and why we will continue to leave..."
Posted by: MS Mohamad

I read an interesting article today about a few prominent figures addressing their concern over the increasing UKM and UM medical graduates who have left the country to continue their medical practice overseas.

After reading the news for 3 times, I called a very close friend, an MD (UKM) graduate to ask his opinion on how the news might have affected him. He has been working in Singapore for more than a decade as a Consultant Surgeon with a certain sub-specialty

"Why be a slave in your own country, when you are a king in another?" He replied.

Indeed, if anybody would want to find a reason why all of us left, either after housemanship, after being a specialist, or even after sub specializing, and now, even prior to doing housemanship, they need not look at our payslip, or the wealth that we have gained overseas, but only to the Medical System that has been rotting in the ignorance and politic-based stupidity that Malaysia has been well-known for (in the medical field).

I have served the system for nearly 2 decades of my career, waiting for it to improve for so long, and only finding myself in despair, quitting with a 24-hour notice and serving abroad. The system is, in my opinion, keeping doctors, since the beginning of their career as House Officers to the end of it, in the lowermost priority. When I was working there, doctors are so ill-treated, while the nurses and the medical assistants are overpowering us.

I still remember the days when I was doing seeing patients and rounds as an MO, while the staff nurses would mind their own business, having breakfast in the pantry, or having gossip chats at their own leisure. My House Officers would then have to do merely all the labour-work, up to the extent of setting intravenous drips, and serving medications. If I am to expect the nurses, my patients would have been dead, or the work would have been too slowly or incompletely done.

When I was a House Officer, I had to run down 4-5 floors just to review a blood investigation of a dying dengue patient. The ward staff would either be nowhere around, or will say that he is busy (busier than the doctor?) or the answer I got at that time:

"Doktor nak cepat, doktor turun sendirilah, gaji doktor lagi banyak dari saya"

Even when I was a Specialist, the staff nurses had to be called again and again just to make sure the management plan for the patient would be done. I was already used to answers from them:

“I’m busy with something else"

“My shift is already over"

...it was routine for me.

The Medical Assistants were worse. They would hide behind their so-called boss, the Head of Medical Assistant. They feel hiding behind him would make them not under our jurisdiction, that we have no power to instruct them in managing the patient, that they have power to manage own their own. I've seen them giving medications not as we prescribed, performing procedures without our knowledge, as if they are the actual "Doctors". They are in their own world, and we have to do their job, taking blood, labelling samples, and even cleaning gadgets from the procedures that we have done.

Oh, but the ministry loves this group. They even let them run a clinic now, instead of upgrading the clinics already run by doctors. The government feels that the MAs are very important and should never be ill-treated by those big bad doctors. One time when I was a District Hospital Medical Officer, I was conducting a delivery of a baby. An MA insisted that I remove my car which was block-parking his car. I answered through the phone that I was busy.

He came to the labor room and yelled "Semua orang pun sibuk jugak, macamlah doktor seorang yang sibuk!”

It is insulting that an MA or a staff nurse claims that they are BUSY, as busy as a doctor? As a Malaysian Doctor, I have even worked for 72 hours straight. I have experienced working until my 6 month old daughter did not recognize me at the end of the week.

Is that how busy they are? I am very sure that they are so busy, that they can only spend 2 hours at the nearby Mamak stall, or can only leave at 5:10 PM instead of 5, or can only have 1 hour of lunch.

The management staffs are worse. I have to beg and plead so that I can get my on-call claims, of RM25 per 48 hours of work. While sitting in an air-conditioned office, they will at their own leisure, process my call claims so that I will receive them by the next decade.

The state health or Hospital Director would just give another inspirational talk (of bollocks) on team effort and beauty of teamwork.

That is how Malaysian doctors are treated in the government sector: without respect, without dignity and without significance. Why?

It is because we are bound by ethics to try our best to save lives, despite how ill-treated we are. We hardly have time to complaint because we are too busy or tired, and we would rather spend the precious time resting or seeing our loved ones. The burden of trying to save lives is on our shoulders alone. No MAs or Staff nurses would shoulder it with us. They have their own bosses: the Sisters, Matrons, or Head of MAs, which job description is to ensure that the big bad doctors will not ask their underlings to do extra work.

This is how the Malaysian Ministry of Health have treated their doctors. I am very sure that in each and every doctor, there is a slowly-burning patience in serving the Malaysian people, which will eventually fade and cause them to surrender to serving a place that treats them better.

A few colleagues who graduated from UK choose to serve there:

"The pay is more, and we get the respect we deserve"

Another works in Brunei:

“Here the staff nurses respect Malaysian doctors, and they are very co-operative" (He ended up marrying one)

A few are consultants in Singapore (working with me):

"Here we are treated well, we spearhead the management, and every else do their work to the best of their capabilities".

A few even enjoys working in Indonesia:

“The work-load is horrible since there are a lot of patients, but we are well respected by every hospital personnel" (They have migrated there for nearly a decade)

I am sure that people will see doctors as power-hungry individuals who want to be the boss in the hospital. Trust me, after having graduated 6-7 years of medical school, earning a DEGREE, and subsequently MASTERS, and SUBSPECIALITY, you would expect a degree of respect and being considered important. We are trying our best to improve patient's quality of life, or making sure he lives another day. Is it too much to ask from the system that we are important?

I find that Malaysia is the only country that is making doctors' lives miserable and treated like rubbish. It was never about the pay in the first place. It is about the treatment we are getting and the false political-based promises. Do you know that the so-called circular about doctors can have the day off after working 24 hours straight released JULY 2009 is not yet implemented? Do you know that the raise of UD 41 to 44 does not involve every doctor in the government service?

We are waiting for improvement. We have waited a long time when we were working in the system. Somewhere along the line we decided to leave and wait outside the system. Until the system changes, we will continue to work overseas, in countries which are appreciative of us. Trust me, Malaysian-graduate doctors are considered highly skilful and competent in neighbouring countries, and the 15 % brain drain is more significant than you think.

We will return when the system prioritize us and gives us the quality of life we deserve.

If it stays the same, Malaysian Hospitals would end up having Staff nurses and Medical Assistants as "Doctors", and we would have to send patients to Indonesia for an appendicectomy.

Hear our voice. We hardly speak, but will usually fade away from conflict (and fly to another place).

so speechless????

overseas vs malaysia

someone said,

"personally, i would advice all of u to go back and work for the country..."

this is one of the status in FB that attracted me to give my comment, wrote by one of malaysian medical student in Ireland. actually, she is my old friend from secondary school. it was a statement came from one of the medical consultant from HUKM during their visit to Ireland and my friend was there.

personally...i have my own view.

for me, they should come back to malaysia. just imagine, our parents worked days and nights to support their study in oversea. by time, after they got their scroll, they should come back and work for malaysians. that is how they should do to repay all the money that malaysians showered to them during their 5-6 years in oversea. that's a lot dude. they even can travel to many places during the summer holiday. but, some of them....seem to be not so clear about this. just because overseas offer a lot of money, they go blind, and work for them. don't blame me about being straight about this. i spend 5 years in medical school in malaysia, and i know how heavy each doctor's workload because of not enough doctors in hospital. and we, as malaysian doctors....should do something about that. be responsible and do our best to work for our own race and nation.

yes, i am patriotic kind of person. so what?

one other thing that i wanna stress here is about contract. a lot of my friend being fussy about that. some of them think that 10 years contract is a long period of time being attached with the government. if you think that u cant do it or u wanna go to private practice earlier, and get a lot of money, why u sign that damn contract at the first place?

this is some of the comments came from one the doctor (a consultant respiratory physician in Queen Elizabeth hospital) about that statement. someone who is very senior in his field. and i am totally agree about that.

"Ada setengah orang dah habis belajar sampai jadi pakar tapi tak mau balek kununnya gaji banyak kat overseas dan glamour. Sorrylah. We welcome you back if you want to help the rakyat, but if you prefer to stay on, good luck dan bantulah orang lain if that's your wish."

"When I first arrived in Dublin in 1983 as a young student, I was told by a JPA officer "You datang ke Dublin untuk cari ilmu nak tolong rakyat bila dah berjaya, jadi baleklah bila dah berjaya. Rakyat tak halalkan wang yang dibelanjakan untuk kursus you kalau you tak mahu balek". Standards of medical care in Malaysia are excellent we can even do heart-lung transplant tak payah nak hantar ke overseas. Some overseas doctors even come to Malaysia for training. Tepuk dada tanya selera."

":) sapa2 yg nak syok on cloud 9 dengan mat salleh, biarkan saja."

well, the last sentence is a bit pedas la. but that's the truth. if i am a bussineswoman...i wont invest in the business with no profit. if i am the one that pay the tax every year, and part of the tax goes to the medical student that dont even have a thought to come back and work for malaysians....what a waste. and i have right to refuse since i gain nothing from that. so think...

p/s: i'm not adressing 'them' as all malaysian medical students outside of malaysia. just a little of them. very little. my point is so simple. siapa makan lada, dia terasa pedas ye. siapa makan gula, dia terasa manisnya.

a letter : don't work our doctors to death

they scolded us when we gave them bad treatment.

they complained when we didn't smile to them.

and they even wanted to sue us and jeopardize our license of practice.

and i don't think they even have a thought about how hard our day is, working as a doctor.

and then someone has spoken.....

"DOCTORS hold one of the most noble jobs in the world but it is known that doctors in Malaysia are not treated well enough.

They need to work seven days a week and rarely get any public holiday.

When they are on call, they need to stay alert throughout the night. Can anyone imagine having to work through the night and continue working the next day?

Not even night shift workers work for 36 hours straight like some doctors do. The pay of a doctor is not as high as is expected as they only get between RM3,000 and RM4,000. Other than that, doctors are constantly yelled at by their seniors during their housemanship.

Although most doctors choose the profession to help the sick, the bad treatment they get often makes them neglect their duties.

All in all, Malaysia should truly appreciate their talented doctors and not work them to death.

Doctors should be given regular holidays as they have to work hard when they are on call. Those who do not know the real job of a doctor may think that it is easy. On the contrary, it is truly challenging."

YONG CHEE YUEN,
Kajang.

well, anyone still interested to be a doctor?

when i read this letter, i know that the hectic of doctor's working hours (especially HO) is for our own good. the more u spend ur time in hospital, the more skill u get. but when ur body and mental crying and begging for rest, that time, u r at the weakest part of ur practice, and prone to make mistake. am i correct???

and when there is a mistake, the next is a bucket of 'sumpah seranah' from your senior.

one of my prof said that HO's life is a period when ur life is nearly like hell. hehe maybe it just part of being grandiosity. but thinking that im going to be HO not more than 6 months, that's scary man.

so, just keep moving forward and be positive. amin.

inappropriate conversation

did you read the title??

so if you are under 18, back off.

this post is about inappropriate conversation between two medical students that have to be in the ward in thursday night for on call and trying to make it as fun as possible by talking about what-so-called inappropriate. hehe

situation 1

x: i'm horny.
y: u what?
x: did you hear me? im horny. im having my estrogen surge right now.
y: that's not estrogen. that progesterone my dear.
x: ok then...im having my estrogen and progesterone surge. is that ok? or should i add testosterone?
y: haha you are horny. u really are.
x: i told u. hehe

situation 2

y: what are looking at?
x: im trying to appreciate all the beautiful creatures in front of me (while looking at the male nurses)
y: oooooooooooo...
x: i think they are beautiful. i like the hair. i like male nurses. they are gentle. look at them. oh.... beautiful.
y: yup...i agreed.
x: oooo im really2 horny. im izzie steven. haha
y: yeah u are, but i think meredith grey is horny than izzie.
x: ok then...im meredith. u r izzie. and we are two horny doctors. haha
y: we are two horny doctors. *laughing

situation 3

x: why that dr didnt ask us to take the blood?
y: because he dont need us to take blood.
x: i need blood, im craving for blood. oooo give me some blood.
y: ooo go and ask him.
x: huhu im horny and i want blood. so im cristina yang right now.
y: whatever...
x: yes, im cristina yang. positive.

situation 4

y: i think that dr dont like me.
x: ooo come on, he likes u.
y: no, he likes you. i can see it.
x: no, he dont like me.
y: yes, he is.
x: whatever....
y: he's flirting with you.
x: no. he's not flirting with me. and i dont like him.
y: yes he is.
x: haha that's hormone's talking.
y: you know what, that patient that u put the branula. he kept looking at my boobs.
x: he what?
y: he looked at my boobs and he even attempted to touch my boobs.
x: no la....u r hallucinating my dear.
y: no, he used his elbow to touch my boobs.
x: oooo are you sure?
y: yes...im sure.
x: ooo ok. that doctor likes me. he is flirting with me. and that patient, he looked at your boobs and trying to touch your boobs. happy?
y: hehe happy.

situation 5

dr: are u two hungry?
x n y: no. we r not.
dr: if u two hungry, u can get some food in pantry. i brought some cake and coffea. just go and take it if u r hungry.
x n y: ok, thanks dr
........
x: what wrong with this dr?
y: haha donno. trying to be nice to us.
x: this is not good...im horny, and that dr treated us nicely. not a good sign.
........
dr: im making a coffee. u want some.
x: no.
dr: y?
y: no thanks.
dr: if u want, i can make it.
x n y: huhu thanks.
........
x: oooo this is weird.
y: really really weird.

oooo...thats really really inappropriate conversation. but dont misjudge us. we just having fun. staying in the ward full with sick peoples already gave us some headache, and that kind of conversation with some medical jargon, did give us some reason to laugh.

p/s: sitting together, discussing the lab result, and sharing some meds school stupid life story....em i dont think that's flirting.

i've made my decision

"Today is the last day to submit the application for for my housemanship training. i've made my decision. i'm positive about it and i hope these choices are the best place for my housemanship training. now, lets pray to god that i'll get hooked with my 1st choice (my priority) or the other two. amin...."

private practice

today, i was assigned to go to one of the private clinic in kota bharu for learning purposes and also to fill some empty spaces in my log book.

it is not difficult to find it, and i arrived around 930am. at the door, the front desk lady greet me nicely and told me to go straight to the doctor's room. well...no patient yet but i like the arrangement and design in that clinic. it looks pretty, simple and rich. like u saw in private practices movie. and this clinic is a panel clinic for a lot of companies. so...no wonder it looks 'rich'.

i greet the doctor and stay in that room until i went back to usm. actually, the doctor was so nice to us. she tried her best to teach us anything that she knows. we appreciated it so much. but within that room...i noticed something.

she was uncomfortable with our existence in that room. seriously, i can read it by the way she talked to the patient, and by the way she talked to us. well, it is what was stated in our schedule doctor. if u think our existence in that room made u feel uncomfortable, why u accepted usm's offer at the first place. might be because of money????

from what i experienced today...

GP is the best place for anyone that interested making a lot of money and also, so lazy enough to think about patient's illness and progression. no offense. i said this from what i saw and experienced today.

there's a patient came with painful left thigh swelling with a history of weight lifting a day before and currently, experience pain and cannot perform his work. and as a doctor, what should u do? well, i'll check that swollen area because that is the first complaint. i guess anyone from outside medical world would agree about that right? and the weird thing is...this doctor which i think got a lot of time didn't even take a look at it. straight to the diagnosis and prescription. what u expect? just painkiller and MC.

then a patient came with on and off fever for the past 3 months. sometimes associated with cough. without checking the temperature...straight away prescribed PCM, cough syrup and what-the-hell this antibiotic for? that is what we worried about. too much exposure to antibiotic will produce antibiotic resistance bacteria. and when this bacteria attack your system...with which antibiotic we want to cling for? nothing!

a lot of patient out there came to GP with the hope to be cured. yes, they are the fastest way to get treatment, but bear in mind that, a lot of cases that came to hospital because of GP's prescription. they prescribed anything to you for the sake of money. some of them, u dont even need it. but that's private.

we have been taught about treating our patient as a whole and thoroughly, but when i was in that clinic, all i can say is...they never practice it. if u want to throw away that treating-our-patient-as-a-whole thing, u are suitable to be a GP. yes, u can make a lot of money through it. just imagine <10mins ultrasound(US) of the abdomen with printed photo already cause rm35, if u do 6 US in 1 hour, that's equal to rm210 per hour). that's a lot maaaa. a lot!

well, u can get a lot money from your patients with the reason that you are treating them. but trust me, by doing that, you become disgrace to medical world. from the front, u put a nice face to them, but u are sucking their blood from the back while they are putting their trust on you. but that is our world. money has become a rule for everything.

you can be a GP, you can get a bucket of money, you can say you are treating your patient, but trust me, in the form of doctor....you will never be satisfy.

remember one of twilight's dialogue?

"we live with animal's blood. it just like human living with toofu. it made u full, but u will never satisfied"

well, i can just 'hentam' all of them today because im new and innocent in this medical world. because all the things in my brain has been programmed by my school and lecturers. but actually...i'm afraid that i will be one of them in the future. i hope not. because no one can predict what will happen in future rite?

but, not all GPs are like that. just some of them that forgot the oath that they recited on the day of graduation. so, it is not wrong to go to GP. it just that, be a curious patient. ask about the diagnosis and the prescription. i think it is much much better than stay silent, accept the prescription, pay the bil and out.